A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright so I just turned 18 in september. My life is baseball, i've played it all my life and have potential scholarship opportunities. Anyway, this girl from my old school calls me up after her and her bf break up and wants to come over. Being the teenage kid that I am, I let her come over and have sex without questions. It was strictly a one night stand, she is a cute girl we never really talked much but her personality kills me. The shocker to this is she texts me about 2 or 3 weeks laters and says she's "late" haha I mean seriously who the fuck does that? Its about 2 1/2 months into her being pregnant, I still haven't told my parents they are divorced I'm living with my dad. I'm very close to each of my parents and i'm just scared of what they will say or do. Like my life revolves around baseball, its my way in to college, I have no money.. My question is 1.) How do I tell my parents, do I go to my mom and tell her first and have her come with me to tell my dad so he doesn't kill me? and question 2.) Is my life over seriously? I know I was stupid and its my fault and I deserve it, but is the past 12 years of getting where I am now thrown away? Please help...
View related questions:
divorce, money, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): 1) you should just plan a family dinner invite your mom over tell themn you need to talk to them together. telling them at the same time might help the nerves. 2) you didn't ruin your life you can still go for your dream it will just be a little harder now with a baby. you still have all of the options you had.
Just keep your head up and help her out because she will be very emotional for a while before and after the baby is born and will need all of the support she can get.
so the best advice i can give you is keep working on that dream and help her through this hard time and she will help you. once the baby is here you'll forget about your worries for a while. it'll be a nice vacation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): You are going to pay child support for the next 18years of your life! you better get a job. Also getting a serious girlfriend may be hard as many girls won't want take on sonmeone else kid at that age
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I don't know how much this will help you, but look up the song lyrics to kenny chesney there goes my life. It's actually a very good song and might help you get some perspective on the big picture here. Whether you're ready or not your life is going to be forever changed, it's now time to make the most of it and start by definitely telling your parents. I'm sure they might be disappointed but they will still love you and will want to help you any way they can. Your future isn't ruined if you don't let it be, and now you've helped to create another life who will need you more than you know.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 November 2010):
 1) I do not know your dad, so you'll have to decide how family dynamics work. Consider that he'll probably be initially angry if you go to him without your mother's help, but that he will be quicker to get over that anger and start trying to help solve the problem if you approach him one on one, as a man. So, even if you go to your mom first, I'd suggest going alone to your dad as well, unless there is some factor left unsaid here.
I also suspect that, if your dad had custody of you, he must be an extremely good parent, and will probably better be able to help you figure this out. Again, though, I don't have much to go on here, so ignore that advice if you really think it won't help.
2) As Tennisstar pointed out, find out if you were legally allowed to sleep with her (if she's within two years of your age, the age of consent laws should not be an issue in most states). And get a paternity test as soon as possible. Do not sign anything from her until you've confirmed that the kid is yours.
Your life is not necessarily ruined, you can still play baseball if you keep the kid on the downlow and work part time to pay for it, but you are going to have much less freedom in college. You may choose to be an active part of raising the kid, but you are not obligated to.
One point I'd like to address - "I know I was stupid and its my fault and I deserve it,"
Yes, you were stupid not to use protection, and to sleep with someone you did not know well. No, it's not your fault, it's yours *and* hers - mostly hers because she has more birth-control options and more legal control of reproduction than you do. No, you don't deserve it, but life's not fair.
While the most admirable choice would be to be an active part of raising the kid, and that would certainly be best for the kid's future, she did not consult you in the choice to get pregnant. As such, I'd say there is no obligation to be any part of the kids life beyond child support. And while I'm anti-abortion, if you're not, you could see if you can convince her to have one. If she thinks that's unfair pressure, well, it's unfair to get knocked up without the father's consent.
Best of luck either way.
...............................
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 No, your life is not over and I'm happy you're truly thinking about this and not trying to shake off your responsibility. I really and truly hope she is of age and legal to have had sex...otherwise, this could be major trouble. Have her take a pregnancy test to be sure. She could be having an hysterical pregnancy, late periods etc. If positive, here's what you do, you tell your mom first, and then, both of you can tell your dad. Ask for a DNA test, you weren't in a relationship with her and there could have been others...I hate to add this, but especially at her age, miscarriages are likely before the 3month mark of pregnancy. Sad but true. Don't have sex with her again. Men have been tricked this way: girl's not pregnant+guy believes she is+unprotected sex=true blue pregnancy. Hope is not lost! Keep working hard! You can still go to college and play ball-but if the baby is yours, you'll need a job. You'll be responsible for 50% of costs. It will be hard but not impossible.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): the answer is yes. sorry. better luck next time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Well the question for you is why did you do it in the first place? Just because her boyfriend broke up with her doesn't mean sex is the way to heal a broken heart. And if you want to let the baby know he/she has a father then I would tell your parents what you did so that way they can help you and the girl out. I mean seriously if you don't like this girl at all and you don't want to help her then go away but if you are a nice guy then please stay with the girl and help her out with her future. I mean who knows maybe someday you and her will grow a strong bond together and the baby could also help get you guys together. And she wasn't stupid for telling you it when it was late it was your fault for having sex with her and she was scared she wouldn't know how you would have reacted to this.Weather you were going to kill her for her telling you or you would be scared and run off and hide and never return. But it's your choice let the baby have a good future or you be self fish and care about yourself and your own future. You can still go to school and get a scholarship but now you did what you did it may take more time then needed. Hope you chose wisley good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Yeah well that one night stand cost you..First and foremost ask her if she's keeping the baby or looking into other options. Secondly, is she of legal age to consent to sex? If she's not then you're in major trouble. Now, if she is going to keep the baby seeing as she just broke up with her boyfriend, and she sounds a little promiscuous then I would demand a DNA testing just to make sure the child is yours. If it is indeed your child then you're going to have to help support it. That means getting a part time job in addition to school. If you don't get a job there is a chance for her to nab you in back child support when she gets older and a little smarter.
I would tell your mother and father at the same time..just come out with it. No, you're life isn't necessarily ruined but it just got pretty difficult and you're going to have quite a bit of juggling to do with having a job, being a father, going to college and playing ball. Good luck with that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Tell your parents and do not lose hope, there is still a way through this if you are willing. I am relieved that you chose to write this and not ask whether you should abandon her and the child. It helps to restore some of my faith in humanity which I think you need to do for yourself as well. Your parents should be able to help you through this if you are that close. It will not be easy but it is entirely possible.
Go to your mother first. Not out of fear of your father, but because your mother has raised a child before and she will be able to tell you, from her perspective, what needs to be done right now. Then tell your father so he can help. Your top priority from now on should be the well-being of the child. Good Luck.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
