A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all,I'm in a situation that I'm unsure how to judge.Basically randomly one night, I ended up sleeping with one of my very good friends sisters. We have never really spoke previous to that time and it was a bit of a whirlwind how it all happened. She said the whole 'I don't usually do this kind of thing' story also.Since then we have spoke a bit, I went on holiday and we stayed in touch all week and conversation was great and flowed easily, however when I got back it slowed down a lot, she's a teacher so went back to work so I understand she's very busy.Whenever I messaged her she would reply and we would always have a good chat and laugh and things would usually turn sexual, which to me would suggest she's still interested in that respect and both agreeing that the sex was very good.I was thinking she would be looking for something casual from what her brother has told me about her so I acted in that way, hinting that I would like to meet up again sometime and invited her around to mine. She was busy that night but she said I could take her for a drink one night instead so gladly accepted.We still chat here and there but it's usually on her side that the conversation dies and I'm really struggling understanding her intentions here. Whenever we speak it's always a laugh but mid conversation sometimes just doesn't reply so I'm thinking from that she's not interested, but on the other hand she basically did the work for me asking her to take her out and we do speak sexually quite often so that makes she think she is interested.I would be very happy to take things further with this girl and her brother knows that, I'm not sure if he's mentioned anything to her or not. Her brother is quite a forgetful and genuinely unorganised guy so I'm thinking maybe she's similar? Aside from that I'm struggling to make sense of things.Can anyone maybe add an outside viewpoint?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2017):
 Great news, thanks for the follow up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt seems I was massively overthinking the whole thing and can happily say that she's now my girlfriend!
Thanks to everyone that answered
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo we're back to it again:
After the date she stayed over at mine. Carried on chatting over text the following days, we were both out but in different places last night and I asked if she wanted to hang out tomorrow, it ended with her saying she would text me today about it but as of 7pm she hasn't.
It doesn't sound like she's keeping me secret or anything because from what her brother is saying she talks to him about me and he said if she brought up anything negative about me then he would tell me, because I do genuinely want to date this girl so want to find out where I stand as soon as possible.
Really confusing me, never really interacted with a girl who's contact is very on/off before so can't quite get my head around it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt went great, she said she had a really good time.
Yes I was thinking I maybe gave her the wrong impression when I said that so I'm glad I have had chance to sort things out.
Thanks again for all your advice I very much appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 September 2017):
Let us know how it went. Inviting a girl back to your house probably did put her off as she probably doesn't want to be seen as a sex toy. Take her out, get to know her and build something and see where it goes. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your inputs.
I asked her straight up and we're going out tonight for drinks as planned, fingers crossed all goes well.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 Smart girl. She is trying to steer things back on the right track. She may only want casual, perhaps- but casual does not mean bootycallish . She is telling you that she is not going to be your booty call, and she is trying to put things on a more date-ish level. With a proper date, agreed upon days in advance, meeting up in public, doing something social ( drinks, conversation ) and then of course the nightwill be still young and most probably " one thing will lead to another " , and we all know how it's going to end up,... but it surely beats being at the beck and call of a horny dude who texts last minute, cracks a few jokes, turns it to sex talk, and then wants to be serviced pronto. No no , that's not how she wants to play this game.
Don't even discount the possibility that she actually would like something non-casual, but quite relationshipy. After all, why should she necessary lie when she says that she generally does not do this kind of spur of the moment hook ups ? It could be perfectly true, in which case she would feel sort of bad and sort of like a fool for how haphazardly it all started and how she got carried away, and now she is, diplomatically, trying to put things back to a more proper place. She will joke and will flirt and play along with you, and that's how she signals she is interested . But maybe she is interested into something more than you seemed to be offering.
Obviously, I cannot know if she wants to date you seriously, or if she wants something casual. But I could bet that if she wants casual- she wants casual done with class . You know, as if you were also interested in HER, and not just in getting laid with no fuss.
Which, luckily, corresponds to the truth, because you do like the girl and would not mind starting something with her. Then, - take her out on a few " real " dates ( I mean, like the next, not just random hook ups ) and see how the land lies. If she accepts to go out with you repeatedly, she IS interested, and at this point you could even ask her what she thinks about dating you : what's the worst that can happen ? That she tells you, no no, I just want to have some fun, no ties. But 1 ) I guess you'd be fine with that too , it's not as if you have already decided that she is " the one " 2) if you were not fine with casual and non exclusive, then much better knowing where each one stands sooner than later, and avoid misunderstandings , arguments and bad feelings.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 Tone down the sex talk and ask her out. Don't ask her out for the same night - give a few days notice.
Unlike you, I don't think she is looking for a casual hook up but she is downplaying her interest.
And this is between YOU and HER - not you, her and her brother... He should NOT be the go-between.
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