A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married almost 20 years now. When I met my wife she told me that she had been raped. A few months into our marriage she told me that she had been gangraped as well, I didn't question her too much about it and just left it. A few months ago she began opening up to me about her past. When she was 12 she was abused by her uncles.She has also given me details of the gangrape, some of which just doesn't add up for me. She has also admitted to me that she is addicted to porn and masturbation.All this has become a bit too much for me to handle.Although I would like to be there for her and support her I just cannot accept everything she told me and I need to question certain things that do not make sense like not remembering that her uncle took her virginity. There are a lot more questions I have but I don't want to make her feel as if she is a liar. What should I do? Do I tell her how I am feeling or just keep quiet and support her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so we have sat down and talked about everything and she has finally opened up completely to me. It seems that her uncle started abusing her from the age of 10.As time went on she developed an infatuation with her uncle and she had a sexual relationship with him until she was 17.As for the gang rape she admits that at first she resisted her attackers but then she consented and participated willingly even to the extent of eating and consuming alcohol with them. This occurred over a 36 hour period. She admits that she feels dirty and ashamed for this as she went with them to pick up another guy who joined in. As for the masturbation and porn it seems to give her some sense of control or power. Although I am glad for her honesty and I feel some sense of closure I cant help feeling confused at the same time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so we have sat down and talked about everything and she has finally opened up completely to me. It seems that her uncle started abusing her from the age of 10.As time went on she developed an infatuation with her uncle and she had a sexual relationship with him until she was 17.As for the gang rape she admits that at first she resisted her attackers but then she consented and participated willingly even to the extent of eating and consuming alcohol with them. This occurred over a 36 hour period. She admits that she feels dirty and ashamed for this as she went with them to pick up another guy who joined in. As for the masturbation and porn it seems to give her some sense of control or power. Although I am glad for her honesty and I feel some sense of closure I cant help feeling confused at the same time.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (7 November 2017):
 You sound so conflicted in your feelings and i can only imagine how hard/awful this entire situation must be for you, but don't forget that it's your wife who went through hell first and foremost.
You also sound quite distrusting of your wife, however, you should always give her the benefit of the doubt.
Innocent until proven guilty.
You need to sit down with your wife, over a cup of tea/coffee and discuss in as gentle a manner as possible, everything with her.
Lay all your cards on the table and be fully transparent with your wife, then LISTEN CAREFULLY to what she has to say.
Mention the truth about how you feel and ask her the questions that you wish to receive answers to.
Keep in mind, your wife may get very upset and may choose not to talk, in which case you'll have to accept and back off, UNTIL she's ready to open up.
She has opened up to you already though, about so much, so i cannot see why she'd not be willing to share more with you, however, the outcome, that will depend very much on how you view the truth.
By the way, your wife's Uncle, he didn't take her virginity.
He abused her and he raped her, that's it.
Your wife's addiction to porn and masturbation, well, as much as you may not like her habits, she's most likely going to continue to do them, as she's admitted to being addicted and as we all know, an addiction doesn't just cease overnight, so you're to have to express to her your true feelings regarding her two addictions.
Your wife's had a very rough start in life, so her addictions may well be in correlation with her past, or maybe not.
You will only find out the facts from the horse's mouth, so ask her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 You are struggling? Imagine having to live with something like that? I know only to well what it is like to live with a past like that, and let me tell you it is not easy. She way not remember because she was RAPED and she is probably trying to block it out. She probably doesn't remember because she was only a child, and well I wouldn't call it her uncle taking her virginity, I would call it her uncle ABUSING her and RAPING her. What kind off husband doesn't believe his wife? Why marry someone if you feel they are sick enough to lie about something like this?
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