A
female
age
41-50,
*ynosgyros
writes:My best friend since childhood got married while we were in college. We slowly drifted apart since then. Recently we got back in touch. I found out she has six kids. And she's pregnant with one more!Now I'm not one to judge lifestyle, but this disturbs me a lot for some reason. I can't help feeling that her husband, although a very nice man, is being extremely selfish here. My friend is a very talented woman, but now she's trapped at home raising the kids. She also has become *really* conservative since I last met her. She wasn't ever a party girl, but now she just wants to talk about church and homeschooling. I'm frightened she might be brainwashed.On the other hand, I'm not sure if I'm just jealous. After all, she does seem very happy. Her marriage seems to work, even if it is very traditional.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Does your friend have access to birth control? If so, convince her to get on the pill after this next baby. Her husband, if he is such a good man, will let her. Also look up some of the good arguments against homeschooling, a dangerous practice which is depriving millions of children of vital information, especially sex education which is available in public schools.
Pageex! has some good advice. Plan a girls' night out for the two of you. Perhaps with all the babies she has forgotten what it is like to be single, to receive male attention, to have fun, etc. This can also open up a dialogue for you two on religion, which can really cramp her style.
I think maybe you're idealizing her family life too much, which is why you might be jealous. But the real root is the fundamental incompatibility in your lifestyles. To be a good friend, you should convince her that there are benefits to being an independent, educated, sophisticated 21st century woman!
A
female
reader, Pageex!  +, writes (18 July 2009):
Your friend does seem happy, maybe you should be there for her, and take her out as friends, just to show that she can talk to you. Because you havent seen her in a while, she might have changed. Just accsept her new lifestyle, she has changed for herself so you should be happy for her and her husband. I'm sure if there was something strange going on she would of talked to you about it. So just show a bit more effection try to do the things she likes to do, and show her that you will always be her friend no matter what.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): She leads the lifestyle she chose for herself and her family, whether it is good or bad doesn't matter much, since it is highly unlikely she can or wants to change her ways. To tell her otherwise I think would be somewhat cruel, since she can't undo her choices, even if she'd want to. She cannot be a career woman because she has set family and tradition as her main priorities.This is no way affects you and thus you shouldn't feel so disturbed. Imagine feeling the added burden of every person on earth who has problems. She is not even a close friend, just a face from the past with whom you have exchanged a few words again. If you think you have very diverging lifestyles and interests you will probably not keep in touch for long anyway. My advice is don't pity her, one can be very happy in circumstances that are less likable to others. If you feel you are jealous of others, this might be because you lack something in your life, in your love life perhaps, or you need a change, whether it is a piece of furniture or your job, start making it now, work on yourself and your own problems. All the best.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (18 July 2009):
 People change over time.Are you still the same girl that you were when you were 6? 12? 20? Your friend has just changed due to events in her life. There was no brain washing.Marriage changes a person.So does having kids.And countless other experiences and life events.So she might not be the same girl you remember,but are you a replica of who you were?
If you truly have concerns about your friend talk to her about them.After all that is what friends do.
And if it is jealousy maybe its time to reevaluate your own life.See what might be missing,and what the next steps are you want to take.
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