A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,I would really appreciate some help with a relationship problem. I recently left my husband after getting drunk and hooking up with my best friend. Basically, I couldn't stand the thought of lying to my husband every day, and feel like total scum.But wait, it gets worse. Me and my best mate have had sex a few times since the split, almost always when drunk. And I'm smitten. But it feels like I like him a lot more than he likes me. He gave me this spiel about how he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend, but outside of the drunken hookups, he basically treats me like one of the guys. And the thing is, I really, really like him. The question is, can anything come of it? It's obvious he's not interested in anything long-term, but I really want to be with him. Can the friendship survive this? Should I just stop now? Your help would be greatly appreciated; I'm really struggling with this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): no use blaming your "bad" marriage for cheating. well, your situation has proven that the grass is not always greener on the other side. this man is not committed to you. maybe he thinks that it was ok to f*ck around while you were married, but now he is not interested. typical behaviour for someone who just wants to be your f*ck buddy. if you expect more, sdaly this will not materialise. just chalk it down to bad experience and make a firm decision to move on. at least you can move on with some pride and dignity.
A
male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 My original advise still stands.But I would suggest you not doing things where you would see yourself as the scumbag.There are better ways to end things if you really feel like the relationship is hopeless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, I'm the one who posted the original question. First of all, thanks for the advice. Just want to address a couple of things you guys brought up. My marriage had been on the rocks anyway due to a lack of shared interests and a lot of bad history. I don't want to sit here and slag my husband off. But I felt really unhappy, and I know I've acted like a scumbag. So please don't be so quick to judge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Of course he only wants you for the sex. You could not keep your marriage vows. You did not respect your husband enough to avoid a compromising situation. You did not have the self-respect to keep solemn promises. Just why should anyone else respect you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): "The old man" sounds harsh and is. I'd tell him "Don't judge if you don't want to be judged". Cheers.I think you should think about your priorities, and assess whether this relationship is going anywhere. If not, then put an end to it, or find out with your friends up to what point he wishes to deepen this. Most important, don't let yourself being used.I don't know about leaving your husband...you don't say much about the whole thing...
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (18 July 2009):
 I'm not trying to sound harsh or cruel, but you've gotten exactly what a cheater deserves!
You left your husband for a drunken f**k buddy, and now you realize that his only interest in you is sex.
Sad to say, don't be surprised if you husband never again wants anything to do with you, and furthermore, why should he?
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (18 July 2009):
I'm not trying to sound harsh or cruel, but you've gotten exactly what a cheater deserves!
You left your husband for a drunken f**k buddy, and now you realize that his only interest in you is sex.
Sad to say, don't be surprised if you husband never again wants nothing to do with you, and furthermore, why should he?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Thank you for your honesty girl. It seems like you didn't love your husband and the one you loved is not feeling the way you love. You became FUBU's. My advise is, talk to him about future and ask him if he wants a concrete relationship or not. Answer will guide you.I wish I had a honest GF like you. All the best.Faith
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): It's funny that you guys had sex when drunk only. Are you sure you really want this guy ? Why don't you guys be open with each other instead of guessing, why don't you ask him if he wants to be with you ? I think you guys should talk more. Why did you leave your husband already, now you can't go back to him if this guy doesn't you. By the way how was the sex, did you like the way he performed ? Communication is needed in your relationship unless he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You don't want to hear that, right ? Talk to him when he's not drunk, you might get more straight answer.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (18 July 2009):
As a strong believer in marriage I would suggest a talk with your husband and try to repair the damage before you make it any worse than it already is.If you can work this option then its in everyone's beast interest if you give your friend the axe.You and your husband may have a lot to work out but please reconsider your commitments.What ever course you decide communication is the best solution.Let him know what you feel/want , and ask questions.
"The question is, can anything come of it?" You answered this yourself. "It's obvious he's not interested" Unless you only want the short term sex.
"Can the friendship survive this?" Depends on how it ends.More than likely I would say yes it can.But witch is more important?Your friendship or your marriage?
"Should I just stop now?" You need to take some time and think.Figure out what it is you really wanna do here.I personally would like you to give the marriage every chance you can.Come clean with your husband.Apologize,and see if things can be worked out.And I would keep trying for at least a week before seeing this friend again.If that doesn`t work out or you decide you can`t do without your friend then there is always some chance it will work out. After all you are best friends so you figure you should be able to connect better than you described.And if you want the friend tell HIM how you feel.
So find the understanding with your self first.What is it you really want to do? What is really best for you?If both men fell overboard which one would you through the only live preserver?And then communicate your thoughts and feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): I dont think he was ever a good friend to you if he hooked up with you while you were still married. A good friend would be the one who watches out for you and makes sure you dont do silly things like that.
Right now Im feeling like shit too because of a similar thing, where my friend convinced me it was okay for me to kiss her since we are just friends and it wouldn't be cheating. I can't get over how stupid it was of me to actually trust her more then my own gut feeling.
My point is: what happened between you two was wrong and your friend knows that as well as you do! So how can you still call this person a friend of yours? Also it seems clear he is not interested in anything with you, you said yourself he's not interested in anything long-term.
My advice is to get over him and find out whats best for you right now. Getting into a new relationship this soon after leaving your hubby would be rushing into things.
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