A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help. For the last 4 years i have been going out with the love of my life - without my parents knowing. My dad is quite controlling about my boyfriends and career, this has resulted in my being too afraid and embarrased to take any boy home. when i took my friend home - he flung him out. anyway, my mum has known for the last 2 years that i have been seeing my bf but doesn't know how serious it is. i want her to know, but not know too much incase it caused any bother between her and dad. My bf is a considerable amount older than me (not that he acts it!!! lol), we have went through it all.. my college friends giving me abuse about my relationship... the lot, and still we have stuck together. anyway, the point is: i am very sad today because last night we talked and both agreed that this relationship could never progress from where it is at. we can't get married, have kids or move in together because my dad would never speak to me again, because of his age. don't get me wrong, sometimes i feel like i'd like to be single just for a while, to know what its like and know what it's like to be with someone else. but i couldn't do that to him. i feel like i could cry, what do i do? i feel like i should end it to allow him to meet someone else and get married, but i can't see my life without him in it. someone pleaseeee help!! he feels the same as me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, travelmate37  +, writes (10 August 2009):
Hi
You are not alone - Im 40 and my gf is 25 (living at home cos of studies) and the same situation.
Couple of points: You can get married. You can have children together. You can be together!
People fail to realise (esp those who point the finger) that at the end of the day, when they have broken you (two) up and feel pleased -they return to their partner and be happy. They impose their social/moralistic views on you. They don't seem to realise someone your own age doesnt equate to Mr or Ms Right and happiness. You're still feeling broken and miserable.
When you feel you can, and it will have to come from you - explain to your Dad how you feel. Why you feel it and that this man is so special to you. He doesnt have to approve (though you may really want his approval) for you two to go on, but it would be nice for him to accept your relationship - that you're safe, happy and in love. I wish you the very best, be brave enough to strive for what you want and strong enough to deal with any consequences (positive and negative). I would dearly love my gf to be able to do this and I know and hope in time she will. But you're the only one who can make this happen. Peace.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): thanks for your advice. i'm 20 for god sake but im just so frightened of what my dad will do to him. i tried last year to talk about it. it was a no go. if i go out with a much older man i've to leave home. and uncle phil.. my boyfriend is 36 xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): You'll always be your daddy's little girl, no matter how old you are. He probably thinks he's being protective of you, but it might be worth explaining to him that although you really appreciate him looking out for you, your father's over-protectiveness is making you feel miserable right now. Let your mother know this also.
How old is this love of your life anyway?
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A
female
reader, Pageex! +, writes (18 July 2009):
Age shouldnt be a concern. It doesnt matter how much older a person is, if you have feelings for a person, you cant help who you fall in love with. Why dont you try explaining the situation to your dad, im sure he will understand you have been with him for four years. He cant tell you what to do with your life, your old enough to deicde for yourself. And if he doesnt like it, then thats his loss, because your in love with this boy/man, then he should be happy for you and your boyfriend. dont let your dad stop you having a life.
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A
female
reader, Darlinxx +, writes (18 July 2009):
i feel so sorry for you hun this sounds like an awful situation,, but the question is,, as much as you love your dad,, what is more important to you, being with the love of your life possibly forever, or your dad approving of somebody you love not half as much?? i think you should talk to your dad n tell him to get his priorities straight, if hes going to disown you because of somethin this small, theres something wrong. good luck hunny xxx
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