A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In my early teens I always thought submissive women were weak, forced into their situations and probably beaten by their boyfriends/husbands. I did extensive research on the subject; it truly interested me. I could not understand "these people" for the life of me. Nevertheless, in the last month--since I've turned 18, really--I've realized that I, too, have a submissive side in bed. Not in our relationship as a whole, but just in bed (i.e. slapping me for doing something outside of bed would be absolutely unacceptable). I've realized I enjoy being gagged during oral and being what I would call "lightly choked" during sex--to the point that I can't breathe for a few seconds. For the first time, last night, I tried this out after fantasizing over it for weeks and absolutely LOVED it--being choked, gagged, and slapped (but not punched or mutilated or anything like that if that makes a difference). That said, I worry that this is some kind of symptom from my growing up in a household of domestic violence. My father beat my mother and on multiple occasions tried to kill her. I was in denial about this up until recently, until earlier this year when my father tried getting violent with me. I have since cut off all ties with him. In addition, my mother was a prostitute for a living--I absolutely respect her choice but nevertheless I grew up with the household perception that my mom was essentially a sex object to be bought by her boyfriends and sold by her husbands. Lastly, my father and my mom's second husband both sexually abused me.Sooooooooo, all of that said, I admit I sometimes worry my new fetish is some kind of symptom of or way of coping with my childhood. Is this likely? Thoughts?
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 "Consensual Non-consent"
LMAO ........
I guess I better add some wooden spoons to my tickle trunk!
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (7 April 2011):
My wife (together 6 years, married for 4) was brought up as an only child in a loving, upper-middle class home, parents still together after 45 devoted years (she was born at the midpoint of their marriage.) Yet she likes to be spanked, and told what a naughty little slut she is, and she's the one who asked me to do it. Out of the bedroom she likes to be treated as an equal. You have to remember that everyone is like a diamond with different facets, and they do not reflect the same light all the time. Find someone you trust who will not go too far or hurt you more than you like, have fun, and don't think that because you react one way at certain times that you have to be submissive to anyone else in any other situation. It's called Consensual Non-consent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
Speak to a counsellor. That's the best way you can find out. You probably are doing this because of your childhood. I've got a name for you; actor David Carradine. He was killed because of his fetish with beging gagged and such. I don't mean to scare you, I just don't want you to end up like that. See a counsellor and get it all out in the open. Lots of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): You need to work with a psychologist or counselor on this.
The behavior is not to my liking; however, I know there are people who enjoy this.
The fact that you yourself are mentally analyzing the connection might indicate a great possibility.
My question is this. If you worked with a professional to establish the answer to this question, would it make a difference in your behavior? Do you feel uneasy about what you like? If the answers here are no, then you might not want to waste your time or money to go to one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): You pose some interesting ideas here, my partner he too likes me to be dominate of him, I found it very weird at first and now I do it occasionaly as a rare treat, as not my idea of fun. Yet he too though grow up with volience in his household, where we watched his step dad beat his mother, and sometimes beat him. I have never thought he was affected sexually because of it, but now after reading your story, I think he may well be. That is not to say it is wrong and if like my husband did, find a loving wife, willing to do it, then so be it. I think it has got something to do with it, but as long as it has not come out in terms of beating your partner (which all too often is does) and your not harming anyone, I think it is ok, that said, some light thearpy to get to the bottom of it may help, but if your happy and enjoy it and it's constual, then don't worry
xxx
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