A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey hey everyone :) I'm pretty new to this, and hopefully you can help me out. I is a tiny lil bit freaked out, and I need your advice on this. It's really gettin stuck in my head and I'm tired of it... Ok so he dumped me over a couple of months ago, with lies. Fine. I'm moving on. Then we started to keep in touch and then he threatened to kill himself. He was pretty drunk and hurt...Fine. I cut off all contact. I went on for a holiday where he wished I'd die on a plane crash. Fine. When on holiday, I met a long time Internet buddie and we clicked straight away. I can't really say we're an item, full of commitment and everything, but we clicked as we met, and we care about each other and take everyday as it comes... And I'm happy with that. Plus he got the cutest eyes on Earth if you ask me :P So from this it's all good. Then my ex surfaced again. The weird coincidence is that he disappeared for a week, saying that he took some days off. Straight after I got back from my holiday. Then he speaks to one of my friends, fully aware that this friend will get back at me. 30 secs to spit out that he's with a new girlfriend and stuff. Good for him, was a bit gutted at first, considering all what he told me before, about the fact that he's violent and else and wouldn't let anyone in his life until it's sorted out. (Which took him 2 weeks, woohoo him...) So it was another lie. Fine. No news from him then for a few weeks, then on thursday nite, my boyfriend and I were playing online. The Ex Boogeyman logs on and starts to talk to my bf. Complete strangers, they don't know each other. At all. 2 mins to spit out that he's takin care of the baby of his girlfriend and that his life is good and he's never had it so well and so on...That he moved on... My bf figured out straight away that he was saying all this to get back at me. So he told him and the ex didn't really like it. So you'll tell me, that's quite weird. Then 2 questions out of the blue to you guys: Why would you google your ex to find info about her when you brag about and tell everyone who wants to hear it that you moved on from her and else? And tell your girlfriend you're sick when you're spending hours on the web google in the evil ex? (Which is me, obviously...) And finally, why would you use her name as a password, when again, there's a new girlfriend to get that done with? Not the old one he moved on so much from... One of my friends told me this: "I told you babe he's obsessed he can't get over you even though he thinks he needs to, he can't have you cause he f____ up and he knows it, oh believe me he knows it and twists inside him every f____ day, and he can't reach out so he lashes out and he'll be sneaking evil cunning whatever he takes" So guys, tell me why I'm goin through this again, when everythin seems to be fine, he needs to show up and hit with a hammer on what I've started to build again away from him. It obviously means that he moved on (NOT), and that he's jealous, willing to be the boyfriend right now. Although he's the one who dumped me in the first place... I'm obviously remaining No Contact at any cost. But the Boogeyman loves me and hates me, and has a new girlfriend and else??? Jeez, I thought I was weird and else but I feel awfully normal right now... I still have feelings for him, indeed, they can't go away by clickin my fingers. I just want to know where he's tryin to make me stand.Thanks for reading me people, it needed to come out. Badly. /hug
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drunk, jealous, my ex, on holiday, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, agonyauntlisaxxxx +, writes (18 October 2007):
 DOn't worry about this fool. My ex is sortta the same. Hes still in love with you in some sick and twisted way he wants revenge of his own on ya for something. Dont let him get to you, Focus on youself and youre life not some sad twisted evil little prick. xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): omg this hits too close to home!! my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago and well he had someone else also and i met this guy online and i started dating him now my ex calls me up one day even sends his sister to talk to me and now he stills calls just about everyday. telling me he still loves me and how he wants to wrok things out and when i told him about me seeing someone else he flips put and threatens to kill him if he sees us together and stuff.. im in the same bat with you and i dont know what to do .. this guy will not give up...
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd another update.
It never ends, does it?
He insulted my boyfriend. So I got him back in my MSN contacts, asked him why he said this. He pretended not recalling any of it, but he apologized to him and me.
Then, out of the blue, he talks about me.
He actually told me he paid someone to check on me. Because I seemed to be very upset and he didn't want me to come back and "bite him in the arse" as he said.
Yeah, he paid someone to "remotely" check on me. As he said, he just wanted to make sure I wouldn't do anythin nasty.
So he tells me a couple of things about me, blah blah blah... A big bunch of shit lies. He didn't hire someone to check on me, he is actually the one checkin on me, the pretence "I didn't want you to hurt me back" is the one just to be able to look for me on the web without feeling guilty.
I know he is the one who did google searches on me and else. I know he did this all.
When I'm talkin to him the day after, he says that he was just pulling my leg. And that he actually didn't think I'd believe any of it. Indeed I didn't, but I wanted to know a few more things. Then he said that he just googled me the day before so that the chat we were havin made some sense.
That is another lie.
Should I, once and for all, confront him to all that crap he's been givin? I can't stand anymore, I really don't.
He doesn't have the attitude of someone who has moved on and who feels good about things in his life.
What is it? Regret? Old out of date feelings?
I really don't know what to do, I feel, once again, completely lost.
Each time things are fine and settleing down for me, he just shows up and strikes.
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A
male
reader, jamiehog +, writes (7 September 2007):
basicaly the guy loves you your ex that is and he wants to make you pay at the same time wants you back because of his jealousy and he has seemed to of gone some lengths to do that oh if only i had the chance to put right of which i done wrong along time ago anyway u get wot im saying good luck chick
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): he still loves you and wants you to pay for how he feels he has been treated and at the same time he wants you back if only i had the oppertunity to repair which once i had hope i was of some assistance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt keeps on going...Last time I told you he added me to his MSN contacts. After the advice of a few friends, I unblocked him to know why he did this.So I caught him one night, asked him why I got added to his contacts. He said it happened by himself, that he didn't do f,all. Right.When I confront him to the lies he's been tellin to my friends, he says that my friends are liars and that he never said that. (I got a copy paste of the conversations, tho...)Then he mentions the chat he had with my boyfriend, saying that my boyfriend threatened to hit him and stuff. But it's the complete opposite!!! He's the one who said "Come on and see what man I am, I live in....."Then again I got screenies of the conversations.I was about to block him again when he said that he was busy goin to the hospital for the "lil one".He says that the game we used to play got deleted from his computer and that anyway he has no time to play on it.Bam, a couple of days after that, he logs on, to insult my boyfriend. To call him "Chris the Malta wanker who took over my account".What a huge effort to reinstall the game, download all updates (which takes a couple of hours) just to logon and insult my boyfriend.Ok I kept quiet. Didn't say anything.The last straw was last week. He is now playing with a character named with a name we used to use together when we were still an item. I busted him, he pretended not to know me, and that he found the name on the web because he couldn't think of one.And indeed, I'm still being googled and stuff...I'm off again to Malta on sunday, for another sunny week at diggin my toes into the sand and drinkin cocktails and stuff. I so need to get away from this.I'm remaining NC, but the thing is that now he's talkin to me through friends, he's doing things like this just to infuriate me.And I'm so tired. And so doubtful. I really don't know what to do anymore.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntlisaxxxx +, writes (11 August 2007):
The ex finds it hard to get on with they're lifes. They move on quicker and act like they have moved on when inside they feel guilty for the way they treated us and broke our hearts.We move on and get a new loving boyfriend and then they come back in to our lifes to try and mess up the new lives we built for ourselfs. Trust me I've had this problem.Don't talk to you're ex, lose all contact, tell you're friends never to talk to him ever again, block his msn or wotever addy and his cell phone numbers. That way He won't be able to try and contact you. Tell you're boyfriend how you feel, he will support you 100 %. xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone :)
I don't know what he is after, but now he has added me again to his MSN contacts and the window showed up this morning when chatting to friends. I blocked/deleted him straight away.
He knows my phone #, if he needs to get in touch with me, he'll have to do it with less childish ways.
Thank you very much for your advice people, I quite have an idea on what is happening now.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): He's probably obsessed with you but BELIEVE ME it's for all the wrong reasons. It's not love. You're better off without him. Furthermore, he sounds weird. I had a boyfriend like that. Loved me and hated me. He would break up with me every two weeks. Just trust me ur better off without him. Just ignore him. His intentions aren't honest and pure. He just wants to hurt you cause he has no self esteem.
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A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Talk to him ask him whats going on in his head you need to remember how fantastic you are and probally cant find any other girl like you. If you feel really thretend tell the police it sounds alot like bullying to me. Befor you do that write to him or talk to him or tell him how you feel and be firm but fair let him know you are not a push over as he probally thinks and say you are always happy to keep a friendship with him. tell me how it works out or if you have any questions dont be afraid to ask.hope this helpsxxx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 August 2007):
 HiI would say he is finding it hard to let go. Ive got an ex from 5 weeks ago sitting outside the pub right next to my house with my brother a few afternoons a week.Not saying they want us back, they just cant quite move on properly.Its commical and apart from the fact my brother chose my ex over me, im not bothered about it now. They soon get bored with it and move on!I would carry on ignoring him and get on with your life.If the guy was violent you're well out of it! And he wont of got that side of him sorted in 2 weeks no.Good luckC xxxx
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