A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just wanted opinions to see if my boyfriends behaviour is normal or not.so I left his house around 12 this morning to meet my best girlfriend for a coffee and I told him that i MIGHT go to a shop to look for bridesmaid shoes as my friend and I are going to be bridesmaids.We couldn't find shoes in the shop so me and my friend decided to have a look around some more shops to try and find some but we got carried away!My phone was in my bag and I didn't hear it and I had 17 missed calls off my boyfriend and this was around 2 o'clock. So i phoned him back and apologised that I didn't realise he'd rung me. He was really annoyed and said he'd been worried about me and he seemed annoyed that i spent all day with my friend( which I didn't plan by the way) and he was annoyed because i din't tell him i was going to look around the shops.He is really angry with me and isn't talking to me now.Am I in the wrong for not informing him that I was going shopping?He seems to be like this alot and seems jealous of me spending time with my friend. I have been with him for 5 years now.thanks in advance
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 I'm with the others, specially Honeypie. You did nothing wrong. Your boyfriend's behaviour is definitely not normal. Seventeen calls is excessive to say the least.
He wasn't worried about your safety. If he was, he would have called family, friends and possibly the police (who wuld have told him to take a pill). He was concerned that you were beyond his control.
No more apologies. Do not reach out to him. Do not try to make anything up to him. Do not weaken your position by showing any self doubt. YOU are in the right here. He is 100% in the wrong.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 One of my favorite sayings is this one (tailored for you conditions):
When your boyfriend isn't talking to you, DON'T INTERRUPT HIM!!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 17 calls in two hours ? No. Definitely not normal.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Depends. Did you have plans to meet him later? If so then you could have been more considerate and informed him of your change in plans. All it takes is a small text message to let him know.
However, 17 missed calls is exessive. Sounds like there was something important he had to say, or that he had a reason to be so worried about you.
I don't have enough information to say more, you know him and your situation best. If you didn't have plans to meet him later (why would he be worried though if he didn't expect you back...), then 17 calls is exessive.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Not normal behavior, I can't see why 1. you can't have a day out with your female friend 2. why you can't go shopping or just window shopping without his say so.
And it's about control. You didn't pick up the 17 times he called in 2 hours (which again is IMHO ridiculous) - so he pulls a TOTAL passive-aggressive move and refuse to talk to you now, so YOU will START to think YOU dud something wrong.. YOU DIDN'T.
Let him stew. DO not apologize (you already did that ONCE when you realized you didn't hear the phone) no need to apologize again.
How often DO you spend time with friends? Maybe you need to do it more often or drag him along every now and then.
DEFINITELY a red flag for me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): Sounds like he's trying to control you, hence the jealousy and 17 missed calls. Controlling is emotional abuse and you shouldn't stand for it!
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