A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My boyfriend checks his ex girlfriends facebook sometimes, he was deeply hurt by how she treated him and was angry with himself about how he let her hurt him so much and it took him time to get over her. I was insecure that he was not quite over her and asked him to delete her as a friend on Facebook which he did straight away. His family really dislike her and he also disliked her family which was the main reason she broke up with him.It's otherwise (apart from my insecurities) a great relationship. We get along very well and we often talk about the future and he even talks about our wedding day! He says he loves me and I do love him. That's why I'm scared that he may not be quite over her even though it ended two years ago. He doesn't talk about her and says that he is over her. He says if things hasn't ended so badly they would probably still be together but that is a "what if" situation. He said this because I asked him and he said the same could be said for me and my ex. Anyway, he asked me to go to a party with him that he was invited to on Facebook. She might be there but hasn't RSVPd on Facebook. So today he looked at her profile and then at the event to see who was going. I know I shouldn't have snooped and I'm working on this. He tried to delete history I know this but missed that link. He probably deletes it so as not to hurt my feelings. Does it mean that he's still not over her or is he just being nosy? It's only her that I'm insecure about :-( I don't mind if he wants me to go so he can show her what she's missing and show me off! What so you all think? Am I being paranoid!!?
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male
reader, playitagain-sam  +, writes (31 May 2013):
Some people are deeply hurt during a break-up and although they can move on and be happy with someone new, the pain may never completely go away- only lessen with time.
It doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong. I think everyone will check on exes via Facebook from time to time. It sounds innocent in his case.
Seeing links in the history are kind of without context. I think if you go snooping you're already paranoid and looking for trouble.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): You're definitely being paranoid.When I broke up with my ex who treated me appallingly during that relationship, it took me 2 years to stop looking at his profile. I really resented him and didn't think he deserved to be happy after what he did to me. So I kept tabs on him to reassure myself that he didn't do better than me and didn't get away with what he'd done.Throughout this time, I've been in an amazing relationship with the most charming man who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.It just clicked one day that I didn't crave karma to bite him back anymore. Your bf might be going through the same. Don't make a big deal out of it.Allow him that space to deal with scars from the past.
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