A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been with my bf for a year now. He's such a caring, supportive and generous guy. During our first weeks of relationship, he initiates sex more often but not the great even but these days,he doesn't anymore. Sometimes, he even has a hard time erecting. He hasn't changed in treating me, I don't think he has another girl.I felt unattractive and lost my confidence so I asked him one day why he has no initiation anymore, he only said he doesn't know either. He doesn't also seemed to be very attracted to me like other men to their girls. I say this because he doesn't appreciate anything about me physically, only my personality that he appreciates a lot, but despite that, he always is caring to me and treats me best. Is he not truly attracted to me which causes him to have lost interest in sex with me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Everybody has different sex drives. Just because he is not wanting sex from you really does not mean he is getting it from elsewhere. He may just not be that fussed with sex. I mean do you come on to him much? Does he always turn you down? Do you make him feel special?
All different things can effect his sex drive. Tablets he may be taking, age, stress, anxiety, depression. If it is bothering you then have a chat with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017): I think sex is very important in a relationship and a man should make a woman feel special in a sexual way.
Yes, it is unusual for him not to initiate or want to have sex with you regularly. A healthy sex life is a big part of a healthy relationship.
Are you absolutely sure he is not having sex with someone else? Just make sure you are not in denial of the possibility.
Some men don't change their behaviour towards you so that you don't suspect. And they do cheat. Whether they love you or not does not matter. They may even want to stay with you because they are emotionally connected but they are not attracted to you anymore.
He may be comfortable with you and perhaps even love you and not want to leave you, BUT maybe he is getting his other needs met somewhere else. I am not saying this is the truth. It is however, a possibility under the circumstances which you have described.
Sorry sweetie but most men want sex. And if they are just cuddling with you and caring and being affectionate without sex, that is a red flag. Something else is going on.
You said he had a sex drive in the beginning and wanted to have sex with you and even initiated. But this has changed. And only a year into your relationship? You are in the honeymoon phase still. I could see that happening maybe in 15 years but not in one year. Seems much too soon to lose sexual interest.
You are not wrong in the way you feel. A man's job is supposed to be satisfying his girlfriend sexually. You are feeling frustrated that he is not making you feel like the passionate woman that you are. And you are missing out on a very important need.
Have you ever tried initiating with him? Wearing sexy lingerie when he comes home? Thinking up a fantasy and just leading him through it? Men often like it when a woman is aggressive and takes charge. Have you tried this? Maybe he needs a kick start?
Failing this, you do need to have a heart to heart. You are not happy this way and things do need to change or you will be unhappy forever with him. He needs to be totally honest with you. It isn't so easy for men but you are going to have to insist. Maybe he does not know how unhappy you really are. And he needs to know.
What you have is a room mate or companion. Not a lover.
You are still young. You don't have to miss out. If he does not change, you are well within your rights to leave him and find a man who can please you sexually, who WANTS to, and whom you are sexually compatible with. It is obvious you are not sexually compatible with your boyfriend. I don't blame you. We all want to feel like a Goddess to our boyfriends. If he doesn't make you feel this way, he has dropped the ball. You are not getting what you need out of this relationship.
Also, are there any other changes to his behaviour such as him staying out late? Working longer hours? Doing things without you? Have his regular routines changed in any way? Do you live together? He has ever told you he loves you?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 People have different sex drives. At the start of a new relationship, sex is usually more important and urgent than later, when things settle down a little. Perhaps he just has a low sex drive, in which case he will have to show you he loves you in other ways - by paying attention to your needs and being affectionate, which he seems to be doing.
Don't discount the relationship just because he is not jumping on you every chance he gets. If he treats you well and shows you respect and affection, that will be far more important long term.
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