A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship and have been for almost four years.My finance live 88 miles away so I see him every weekend. The problem is he is dragging his feet for us to live together and I have become extremely resentful.He says we can buy a house near where I live but keeps changing when. He has saved up most of the money for the house so he thinks he can basically string me along. I have made numerous sacrifices for the savings though.We go out only once a year and I take care of my household do financially all by myself even though I make a third of what he does. To make matters worse he is now just stacking thousands of money in his savings account t that is independent of the house. I need help desperately but he won't use it to help me. He has also refused for me to have a wedding and or go honeymoon (which I would go half on ) to save money!!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Four years together and only seeing each other at weekends is a struggle at best. It is difficult to make life long commitments when you are both far apart. Can you both not meet in the middle and rent a place for a while to see if you are even compatible living together. I am aware you don't make as much as him but still he should not be expected to cough up all the money to buy a house if it is something you both want. Also you should be paying all your own bills if the accommodation is yours. Would it not make sense for you both to rent so you can save some money? Is it work that is keeping you apart? Can you find a better paying job where he is?
This sounds to me like a part time relationship with no real huge commitment. Do you both take turns to see each other or is it all one sided? Why did you get engaged if he has no plans to marry you? Why have you decided to live apart for four years?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): I guess I have a couple of qs if you like to answer
1 who visits who ? Do you take weekend turn about ?
2. What do you do on these visit
His money certainly I agree is really your concern however in a loving relationship I would consider helping my significant other if they weee struggle . But I think you really need to get a hold of your finances yourself .. your household is your household .
It could be power play he doing.. he has you where he wants you .. he gets free nookie .. no need to splash his cash and impress as your already happy with the little he gives ..
I think you need to really put your cards on the table with him and say look this is 4 year we either get engaged by x date or I'm gone .. simple . And stick to it ..
if he doesn't want all that and that's his choice then you make a choice whether you are willing to put up with this or not .
I think you need to really think this over sweetie .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 January 2017):
 So why are you still with him?
I don't see how his money is really any of your business. Just because you could USE some financial assistance doesn't mean as your BF he OWES you a cent.
Seems like he is making more money and is trying to be financially responsible by putting money into savings. And no wonder he has money to put into savings if you ONLY go out once a year..... While you make less, you might be living "above" your means thus having financial difficulties. Which might BE why he is stringing you along. He doesn't want to be responsible for "taking care" of you.
He also doesn't want a wedding OR a honeymoon, so really what's the point? IF you DO want these things?
4 years of dating and you aren't living together, not even NEAR each other.
To be frank, I don't think he will ever really BE "ready" to live together.
Maybe you need to reevaluate this relationship.
Doesn't seem like you two are on the same page or even in the same book.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 What are you getting out of this relationship? You go out once a year? He stashes money away while watching you struggle? He won't let you have a wedding or a honeymoon? I repeat, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP? It seems to be all about HIM.
In your shoes I would sit him down and tell him that, either you agree some sort of timing for moving in together, or the relationship is off. Considering the length of your relationship, I would say 6 months is a fair time limit.
Also that you WANT a wedding (if, in fact, you do - you don't actually say). Compromise is the key so agree to a small intimate wedding if he is worried about cost. This can be for just immediate family and closest friends. After all it is not the amount of money you spend but the fact that you are marrying the man you love that is important. Even a honeymoon can be compromised on and doesn't need to be too expensive.
Good luck. I have a feeling you are going to need it.
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