A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Been dating someone for past 10 months. He is 49 years old. When we first started dating, he was texting a 29 year old girl he had met before we got together. Said they were “just friends”. He shared with me that they went to Cancun over a holiday, but nothing happened between them. I’m having a hard time believing this, considering they were drinking quite heavily and that according to him, she “offered herself to him” and he refused her. I don’t care that anything happened, but feel he is lying to me about it. That bothers me because he knows if I realize he slept with her, then I’m going to wonder why he was still texting her during the first 6 months of our relationship. Am I being ridiculous?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): I think that i would be qureouse to. If my bf did something like that i would be quite mad about it. I think he is probably lieing to you becouse it seems that all guys are just ass holes.
A
female
reader, joannaleigh +, writes (28 March 2008):
 You are SO not ridiculous. Yes, of course he's lying. Duh. And yes, he was still figuring out what he wanted to do about his relationship with her during the first few months that the two of you were seeing each other. It would appear that he has decided on you.
He obviously wanted to keep his options open at the beginning and see what happened. Personally, I find this abhorrent, as by not being truthful with you, he did not give you the ability to make informed decisions and thus keep all of YOUR options open as well.
I find his behaviour selfish, as well as deceitful, but you may view it differently. It seems that as of now, you need to decide if his initial lies have destroyed the foundation of your relationship, or if you are happy enough with him now to continue on as is. Personally, I think this all speaks rather strongly about his character, and does not say good things. I'd go find somebody with a bit more integrity.
Good Luck honey,
joannaleigh
www.whatwouldjoannado.com
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): Unless you catch him talking/texting her now, let it go.
We're in mid life, enjoy him.
Gena-agony aunt
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 No, madam, you're not ridiculous. I know that the rules of friendship have been rewritten, and I'm glad it is so, but I find it hard to believe that a 49 year old went to Cancún with a 29 year old and "nothing happened" though she offered herself to him and he wasn't seeing anyone. Yep. This is exactly the kind of offers no man wants to hear ever in his life. I'm taking bets on this one: I say they slept together. Who takes a bet against me?
He's lying, madam. However, if he's not seeing her anymore, that shouldn't matter much. Perhaps during the six first months of your relationship he wasn't sure it would work. I personally think that he shouldn't have texted her at all at that time, but some people think differently, and believe that you can't expect anyone to give you exclusivity from the very beginning. He might happen to be one of those people. I think you're one of the people who believe exclusivity should be given from the very start.
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