A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Our conversations usually go something like this. Him: Why are you wearing that? Me: I think it looks nice. Don't you? Him: Yeah, I'm sure there's going to be lots of other guys who think it looks nice too. Me: Maybe.? Him: Not maybe, definitely. I don't know why you're wearing it. Me: Because I like how it looks on me! Him: Yeah well, you're going to be getting a lot of attention tonight! Me: I'm not wearing it for attention. Him: Right. Well, what for then? Me: For ME! I told you I think it looks nice. I like how it makes my legs/bust/hips look. Him: Sure. I suppose if you were the only person left in the world you would still want to "look nice"? Are you honestly telling me you'd still go to all this effort if no one was there to see it? Me: If I was the last person in the world my looks would be my last concern! I can't put myself in that position, I don't know?? Him: Exactly! If you're so sure it's "just for you" you would have no doubt. But right.. you're "not doing it for attention". Keep telling yourself that. He pulls this kind of stuff all the time as a way of making me feel bad for wanting to do something he disagrees with/disapproves of, then has the audacity to claim he wasn't telling me what to do. He has said things much worse such as "So I suppose you want me to get into a fight with another guy tonight, do you? Because if you go out dressed like that, that's what's going to happen. Is that what you want?" and "not even the cops would jump in if 5 guys were raping you - they'd look at what you were wearing and see exactly why!" :-O Now to make it clear, I like to look good, but never trashy. I like to look sexy and classy. I have a great body which I work hard for. What do you think? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Yes,he sounds controlling. And insecure. A self confident guy would probably be pleased about the admiring stares you are getting because he knows that,at the end of the night, you are going home with him while all the other guys can only watch and drool.
Then again, I'll play the devil's advocate, and I'll assume, just hypothetically, that he might -just might- have a point. It's not what you wear ,but the attitude you wear things with.
You say you have a great body which you worked hard for.
And ?... Is the corollary - then I want to flaunt it ?
It gets stale if that's everytime and everywhere. Specially for the person who accompanies you.
Less is more.
It's a bit like saying- I have got a lot of money, and I work hard for it !- so I'm gonna flaunt it everywhere I go !
Of course,you can, if you wish. But- why do you wish that ?
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 November 2010):
Hi there. I really think more than anything, that your boyfriend is very insecure about his ability to keep you as his girlfriend.
He is a bit jealous, but he should not have a reason to be jealous unless you flirt with every guy you see. Even if you don't flirt with other guys, but if you look at them when you are with your boyfriend, it's almost the same thing.
I'm not suggesting that's the case, but in the absence of that happening, he really has no reason to be jealous.
Perhaps he needs some reassurance that you love him, and would never hurt him. Men do need to hear this in words sometimes, even if he already knows it - it's always nice to hear those words just the same.
He also needs to know that you are happy you are with him, and that you still find him sexy and attractive.
He might feel like he's being taken for granted. Do you ever give him compliments, saying he looks really nice? Men also like to have compliments on how they look, it's not just women.
He might not feel he is special to you anymore. There are many ways you can show him this.
- Good communication.
- Really listening to him and looking right into his eyes when you talk to each other.
- Cooking his favourite meals.
- Not criticizing him in any way, if he makes a mistake.
- Being affectionate towards him always.
- When he leaves for work and when he comes home from work in the evening, give him a big hug and a kiss.
- Always be pleased to see him and receive calls from him on the telephone.
- Being genuinely interested in him and his life.
- Showing him how much you love him.
Our lives are so busy these days - work, the internet, family commitments, etc. - that there is often a lot we seem to take for granted. Some things get left unsaid.
And that is usually letting those we are closest to in our lives, know just how much we love and appreciate them. We can't just assume they should know it. They probably do know, but it's really nice to have it confirmed in words anyway, on a fairly regular basis.
Another important thing to consider, is to be open and honest with your feelings and not keeping it to yourself. Asking questions if he says something you don't quite understand, so he can clarify it for you.
Then you don't have to make assumptions - which might be totally wrong. The more you ask questions, it will encourage him to do the same. It also shows you care enough to ask, and are interested enough to ask. To not ask questions is like silently saying that you aren't interested and don't want to know. It's like emotionally switching off.
This is what builds trust, closeness and emotional connectedness. These things are the basis of all good relationships.
With all of these things in mind, I don't really believe it's about what you wear at all. Although it might seem that way, I'm quite sure it's more about the communication between you.
Communication is so very important in all relationships, that it can make it or break it.
Don't every underestimate it's importance.
More often than not, how two people communicate with each other, is often at the very essence of all other problems that arise in the relationship generally.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): It seems that your boyfriend has some major self esteem and jealousy issues. There is no reason you should dress yourself down for him because what you wear makes how you feel and if you have to wear a turtle neck and a skirt to your knees everyday you will not be happy and chances are your boyfriend will regret what he said and be pretty upset at his own actions. hmm maybe thats a good idea just dress like a mess all the time and see how he reacts! No matter what you choose to do, just do what you want and assure him that you have him on your side to protect you from those rapists :) But I do not think you are being disrespectful, he is a little out of line honestly and shouldn't talk to you like that.
...............................
|
