A
female
age
36-40,
*upcake
writes:I have written a few times recently.I had found out my boyfriend was talking to his ex about 5 times a month for 3 months and he had lied about it.. Now his ex is pretty much crazy, she had hacked into his email before and tried sending me messages from him saying he was cheating on me.. when he was right beside me as the emails came in. She had tried to destroy our relationship in the past. Now he did tell me about 1 phone call, which is why i snopped and found out the rest... He told me she called him freaking out because him and I were buying a house. She told him she would do whatever she could to make sure I dont buy a house with him and that she was going to tell me that she slept with him. He called me right away and told me this conversation.. I then emailed her telling her not to call myboyfriend ever again. She replied saying he had been sleeping with her and that he loves her (which i found hard to believe since hes the one who left her, and him at i were buying a house together at that time)... She said he would go to work early .. which i know for a fact is not true, as im the one who wakes him up for work, and he leaves about 5-10min before his shift starts. (i see his schedules that just isnt possble)... Now she also claimed she slept with him the night before valentines day.. she knew we didnt live together then, but she also knew the colour of our bed.. I mean alot of his old friends are now friends with her, and would be more then happy to give up any information that would help in breaking us up. I truly cannot see him doing that. His phone bills even stated there were no incoming or out going calls to her number anytime in Feburary or March.. it did start till april... As well she called his brother in March drunk at 2am Begging for him to give her my boyfriends number... now if they were sleeping together back in feburary, would she have not of had his number??? It just didnt make sence... I mean I know for a fact he didnt sleep with her recently, but the fact she knew the colour of our bed makes me wonder about if he did it back then. I truly cant see him doing this to me, we have a perfect relationship. I have been cheated on before in the past and it just scares me. I dont think he did it but everyday a "what if" pops in my head and i cant get rid of it.. what do I do??? He has told me over and over and over again he didnt once ever see her, but that he did speak with her on occasion as she told him she just wanted to be civil... He told me he knew talking to her was wrong so he put an end to it.. Which was when she called threatening to do everything she could to break us up.. Because 1. he didnt want to talk to her and 2. We were buying a house. Now just last week on our 1 year anniversary, he proposed to me.. Looked me in the eyes with tears in his and said "I know we havent been together that long, but i know i want to spend the rest of my life with you. I couldnt ever imagine my life without you in it, I promise I will never hurt you, Im so sorry for everything that happened this year and I promise this year and all the ones to follow will be so much better, thank you for believing in me and sticking it out with me.. I love you" now once that happened I of course said yes, i love him so much. And for 2-3 days after that this issue didnt pop in my head once, I was so happy for the first time since i found all this out. As well when I found all this out I calmly told him if he cheated just to tell me so we can get over it and i would work it out with him. He still looked me in the eyes with tears and promised me he didnt once see her.I just need to know what to do to get this out of my head???? Am I stupid for believing him??? Or does it really seem like he didnt cheat??? I just want to be happy. I mean its only been 3 months since i found all this out, and it is getting better, but I want to know that im going to wake up one day and I wont think about it at all. I love this man we just bought a car, a house and got engaged.. Would he really do this if he cheated? Please help
View related questions:
anniversary, drunk, engaged, his ex, I love you, want to be happy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (8 October 2007):
Cupcake is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank You so much for your responses. They really helped. After I found out about the calls my fiance was more then willing to get rid of his cell phone, and got a cell phone with my phone company so we could be on a couples plan. He even chose to get detailed billing so I could see the incoming and outgoing calls for piece of mind. She definatly does not want us to be together thats forsure. It would have been easier for me to believe that he didnt cheat in the first place if he was honest about the phone calls, since she had more information about our bed then I would have liked that definatly started my mind racing about all the posibilites. I also had got into a car accident the day before that, i dont think he would turn around and use that opportunity to cheat. I really just cant see him doing it, but she has made it hard to believe other wise with her information. But I do realize she could have gotten that information from a variety of sources. My fiance also looked me straight in the eyes when I found out about the calls.. With tears in his eyes and said "Honestly, If I cheated on you, I would just tell you now and risk you leaving, I wouldnt keep that from you so we could go through all of this hurt and crying at another time, and I couldnt buy a house or car with you and live with that guilt" He certianly has made alot more sence then her, but now that we have moved and our numbers our changed and he told her to leave him alone I think she will be gone for good now. I hope. I mean with her knowing we just bought a house, car and got engaged she has to give up knowing everything shes done so far still hasnt broken us up!
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (8 October 2007):
It doesn't sound like there is anything going on with this girl and your boyfriend. One thing I've learned about men is they can be really big sissies when it comes to women. They are totally terrified of being "the bad guy". So even if he is talking to her, it could just be he feels sorry for her and is trying to get her to stop. He might also sub-consciously enjoy the ego boost of "being stalked", though I doubt he is conscious of it. We all like the attention of someone being crazy for us. This girl is crazy and she is making you crazy. I would stop engaging with her - don't talk to her or answer her calls or emails.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 October 2007):
 You need to realize "fully" that he's not the one who cheated on you in the past. He's not the one who caused you any of that pain so it's unfair for you to judge him with the possibility of him doing so.
You are dealing with a very off balanced ex. She has a screw loose somewhere and is taking her frustrations out on the relationship you have. Personally if this continues,I'd go to the court and ask for an order keeping her from making contact with him or you.
Her behavior is real poor, and sometimes you have to end all contact with someone so your lives can move forward.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Babe this will not just go away as you have had so much doubt put into your head by some deranged, jealous ex and the way i read it that is all she is.
All you can do babe is just take each day as it comes and try your hardest not to focus on it too much otherwise you are letting her win as she is obviously out to split you two up.
In my experience men can't just turn on emotion like that for effect, so i would have faith in what he has said to you, ignore any of her attempts to try and tell you any different and do not rise to her bait as that is exactly what she wants.
What you have to remember is there are some proper nasty women out there that will do anything to get what they want, just don't let her.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
