A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend is afraid of love. He will be so into me for a few days, and just during the height of things he will start acting funny. One day he will say he loves me, the next he will say he doesn't know. Whenever I start to get really close to him he pushes me away a little bit. One time he told me he didn't want to get hurt. I was able to convince him I wouldn't do that and he believed me...only for that day. Everything was great a few days ago...perfect, and then I got mad at him because he was supposed to come visit me when he was done skateboarding. However, by the time he was done, it was too late for him to come over. He apologized but I didn't accept it, and I think that hurt his feelings.Last night he said he didn't know if he loved me, barely said anything on the phone, and told me love is a destraction. He asked who would lose more in our situation, me or him. He also said that I didn't love him and I don't understand. Before we hung up the phone, I told him I loved him and he said "heart". Today he's still acting kind of strange. He doesn't know how to accept that I love him either. He asked how I could like him when he doesn't even like himself. Some days he will say he trusts me and we're close, and other days he will say he doesn't trust anyone and nobody is close to him. I wish I could get him to open up and see that love is not pointless (he said it was), and that I will be there for him whenever he needs me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 The problem with talking is that whenever you make an absolute statement, the opposite can be true also. To argue towards one statement to proof a point won't do any good. Let him go back and forth, then one day he will exhaust himself and just surrender. You need to loosen up also and stay clear of relationship terms. This behavior of him has a hint of manipulation. The more he seems unsure, the more pushy you become and he secretly feels some perverse sense of power. I am not sure how accurate that's of him but what you are doing here, convincing and debating with him, is not working. You can say he is afraid of love but he is also afraid of no love. He sounds like a philosopher, which is something common amongst young people. Sometimes that can be annoying. The fastest way to shut him up is actually to agree with him.
A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 He's not afraid of love, he has a low self esteem he seems confused and not sure of what he really wants. Give him some time to think and clear his mind and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (11 August 2011):
You are not going to change this man.
But he will certainly change you, that I can guarantee.
You will be less and less happy the more time you spend with him.
You sound like you have a certainty of how you feel. This is a great character trait. There is a man out there who knows how he feels too.
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