A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started talking to an older guy at the age of 14. I am now 23 and he and I are happily married. He was 22 at the time. The problem is this... now that I am older, I wonder if maybe my boyfriend is a pedophile? I read up on the internet that there are "opportunistic" pedophiles, meaning that there are men who don't actively seek out under-age companions, but are not bothered by age and, if have feelings for someone a bit too young, do not let age get in the way of a relationship. He was willing to, but did not have sex with me until I was age 16(still way too young, I know, but we all make mistakes). But some things have got me thinking... I recently found out that years ago, while he and I weren't together for a short period of time, a friend of mine began "talking to him". I talked to "assbitch"(whom i've known the entire time i have been dating him and before) i will call her, and she told me that she began sending him emails while we were broken up, not realizing that he was my ex. she said (and he has admitted to this... somewhat) that he began and initiated some serious flirting (i.e. saying things like "well, i thought i was in love with you, but you're too young for me" and "i've always wanted a german girl" after her telling him her ethnic background) even after she told him her age (which was the same as mine- FOURTEEN.) When i asked him about this recently, he said that he was simply "trying to let her down, while giving her self-esteem a boost", because he didn't want to "hurt the poor thing's feelings". I happen to believe that the only thing he was trying to "boost" was her fourteen-year-old flesh, if you know what i mean. Every time he and I have broken up, he has dated girls... how do I put this... not exactly "the bomb", and the girls he did want to go out with; that he found attractive, did not want him. This makes me think that maybe he is only with me because he thinks this is as good as it gets... I really don't know what to think about it. I love him to death and we have spent years together... happily... until now. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you guys. I think I'm just paranoid that he was a sick-o freak because he was willing to have sex with me at that age. But I don't think he actually is... it's just a bit weird though. Oh, and I spelled "pedophile" wrong. Typo.
A
female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 YOu are allowing your fears to overcome rationality. You are a full grown woman now, and he is still interested. If he continues to show interest in children, then maybe there is a problem, but if he is more intersted in adults, then I dont see much of a problem.
I do think you have an issue with the relationship itself though, why do you keep breaking up? Why does he see other women when you are broken up? I dont think this guy is at all ready for a heavy relationship, He sounds very immature, and maybe that is why he was into young girls, because he wants someone at the same level of maturity than him??
Peadaphillia is a very complicated situation, and a big label to put on someone, It should be something only the courts can decide on, because if he was genuinly in love with you, and just flirting with your mate, then its not really peadaphillia, just complicated.
But as I said, if he continues to show interest in underage girls, then maybe he has a problem.
Either way, I think you need to reavaluate what you want in this relationship, and maybe see if wha tyou and he want are the same, I suspect they are not, and you are trying to find excuses to end it.
So why dont you? If you dont have the same interests anymore, and your not happy together, then end it and go and find someone with a better understanding of women, and have a bit more maturity behind them.
(I dont mean age)
Take care hun. xxxxx
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Your like this because you realise it was wrong a man his age pursing you at 14. This happens to alot of young kids when they grow up, they realise how perverted that person was! You need to have a serious talk with you husband about your relationship and how you feel, it's very possible he may leave you for a younger model. It's your risk to take
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