A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 29 and have been in a relationship with the love of my life for almost the past year now, we are living together almost 7 months and have both been in long term relationships before. I was once engaged before after a short relationship that dramatically changed when i got the ring and basically i was fooled, i quickly ended the relationship and got over it as he wasnt the person i thought or my family and friends.To cut a long story short, I have known the man im seeing a few years before we got together we always got on as we know each other through work and have always been attracted to each other but didnt know the other was single. Since our first date we have been inseparable nearly and both so blissfully happy i can honestly say i met my soulmate, the problem is my best friend from the age of 12 has seemed to blank me, she did this the before when i got engaged said she hated his guts, so this time round i dont talk about my boyfriend or tell her how happy i am or we are together! Im sick to the teeth of asking her out she always cancels or says oh dont worry i will meet up with you! she sounds really pissy on the phone when i contact her, she doesnt bother contacting me anymore! She is so negative, like i met her for coffee for the first time in months and she is like would you like kids and i said i would love them and she abruptly says back "well dont tell me your considering thinkin of anything like that you dont know your boyfriend yet! and shouldnt discuss that till your with each other at least 2 years!" This is coming from the woman who never had a relationship and never more then a 2nd date? Hardly the voice of experience! She tries to make me feel uncomfortable about it, well my boyfriend has asked me to marry him and i honestly know this is right and we will be together forever this may sound gullible but for the first time in my life i feel this is so right and i love him so much, but i nearly feel afraid to tell my best friend, i know she will probably laugh and ignore me for a while! You see when we are both single we do everything together since i met my boyfriend no matter how many nights i try to arrange out she has an excuse no money etc etc i tried to plan a big bday nite out for her instead she went of with other single girls she knows a couple of months, I really care about her and am a loyal friend and have been through so much of life with her. I feel really upset over this as i know my boyfriends best friends and friends will be so happy for him. What way should i handle this with her and react to her reaction ?? Any help please
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for taking the time to answer , it means a lot and i think your probably right , i just find it hard to let her go after 17 years of friendship but i can't force her either ... She has had nothing but bad luck in relationships but the strange thing is , Is that she has other friends long term ones who are in long term relationships or are married and she still see's them , She was back to herself when i broke up with my ex who she hated ? So i dont think thats it .
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 It sounds to me like she is mourning the loss of her single friend! If you used to do loads of things together when you were single and now she is choosing to hang around with single people, she clearly likes the single life and wants nothing to do with relationships or anyone else that is in one!
She could be a little jealous but I think it is mostly she just doesnt want to include anyone in her life who is at all connected with a relationship. I think you should try talking to her - tell her how you feel! Explain that you really care about her and want your friendship to continue but she is making it really hard for you, and that you want her to be more supportive of your relationship. If she still doesnt change and carries on like this then I guess you will just have to let her go, you cant keep on pushing her to be your friend when she clearly doesnt value your friendship.
You need to surround yourself with positive people who love you and want to support you, not bring you down all the time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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