A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, the background in brief! My best friend is female, two years younger than me. We've only known each other for four years and became very good friends very quickly. We spend a lot of time together and like a lot of the same things and we both feel like we've known each other forever. There has never been any suggestion of anything more. She has been single throughout this time (although she has recently started seeing someone) and I have a girlfriend.Three months ago I was diagnosed with depression and we had a couple of fallings out because she let me down when I needed her. We didn't see each other for a while but got together on Wednesday to talk things through. She realised she'd "got it wrong" and spent most of the time in tears, holding my hand, or with her arm wrapped in mine. We got things sorted and then went for a walk, and she held my hand the whole time. Back to hers for a cuppa and then she snuggled up with me on the sofa. I mean, really snuggled - right up close, head on my chest, arm wrapped round me. Basically what you'd do with a partner (without the kissing). It didn't feel awkward at all.Added to this, two months back I was offered a job 200 miles away - which I am not going to take because I'm not the in the right place - but at the time I did consider it. When I mentioned it to my friend she burst into tears at the thought she wouldn't see me any more and spent the whole evening snuggled up to me on the sofa (just as last week). We've never done this before. While we always hug and peck on the cheek when we meet up, we have never done this snuggling thing before. Two of our mutual friends have always thought we would end up together one day and one thinks that although my best friend is seeing someone casually, the thought that I might move away has stirred other feelings in her and she is a bit confused, especially with me not being myself at the moment.I should point out that, generally, my friend always hides her emotions, even to me and her family, so for her to be tearful and so cuddly around me is very unusual. We text or email several times a day - always have done - but since I've been ill she's constantly telling me she loves me bits and that I mean the world to her. Which, when you're depressed, really helps.Does this just sound like best friends just being very close, or could our mutual friends be right in that she might be feeling something more? With my being ill and my emotions a mess I need to be careful for both of us.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (5 October 2009):
look man forget wut anyone says. if you love this girl and she is indeed your best friend as nice as you can tell ur current gf that you wish to move on and pursue this girl. the opportunity to meet and fall in love with your best friend is a rare occurence. there will always be other girls who fill the space temporarily untill you get married. don't be a fool and let this girl slip away she feels very safe and comfortable with you. don't ignore this and don't get off saying you don't want to ruin the friendship. just always keep in mind the reasons you love being around her and roll with it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, female reader. I'm not quite sure why you say I haven't set healthy boundaries? This suggests I shouldn't have close female friends because I have a girlfriend. All my closest friends are female, always have been, and my girlfriend is aware of this.
This issue has only just arisen because of my friend's behaviour to me - so, yes, I may need to put some boundaries in place NOW if I feel a line is being crossed. But as I am ill at the moment, I don't judge things so well I can't tell whether it is just a case of her being very upset over my being ill etc and being a really good friend or something more. Hence asking for advice, as I'd hate to rock a boat if I don't need to. There's enough upset going on without adding to it. Other friends often send texts that say "love you" at the end but it doesn't necessarily mean IN love with you.
I just wanted some clarification from females out there whether they felt this was something more. So thank you for your comment, which suggests my suspicions are right. But if anyone else wants to chime in, please do. It helps.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (5 October 2009):
all I can say is follow your heart. you are in a very good position to be with you best friend. most people look a lifetime for this and never receive it. take it if you love you. and don't over analyze and start clouding your thoughts with things like "i love her but not like that" kinda statements
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Hello, it is my opinion that without a doubt she has obvious feeling for you which comes out in her words, through her actions etc.
While I was reading your story I couldn't help but wonder about your girlfriend. How would she feel about what is happening? Why haven't you set healthy boundaries between yourself and your friend given the fact that you are in a relationship? It certainly is time for you to do a self explore with this situation.
The bottom line is that you and your friend are crossing boundaries that can potentially hurt another innocent person (your girlfriend) and the pair of you as well. I would step back from the triangle, set clear healthy boundaries with your friend ie: no physical contact and no intimate words exchanged between the two of you...actually if it were me I would tell my friend that I needed space.
Sounds like you have your hands full already with depression and a relationship. Do everyone a favour and remove yourself from the situation.
Best of Luck to you.
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