A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 7 months yesterday. We have know each other since we were 13 and 14 respectivly, got to know each other better mid teens then became very close friends from the ages of 18-20 and now are a couple at 21 and 22. because we had known each other for a long time before we got serious fairly quickly, he told me he wanted to be more than friends several months before we actually got together due to uni commitments, however exactly 8 weeks after the we got together he told me he loved me although it took me slightly longer to say this I am madly in love with him and id had a crush on him for a number of years. He is an graduate engineer and I am on my placement year as a trainee lawyer. I stay at his own place most weekends and once a week, I work in central London so early mornings mean we only see eachother once or twice on weekdays which we have both got used to. I know no one is mind reader on here, but last night in bed, we were just chatting about things. Now I have a good friend called Jon, we had a bit of a thing for each other when we were 16 however we never slept together it was more of a couple of drunken kisses. However he turned me down when I wanted more but things changed and now everyone suspects that he would like to be more than friends however saying this he does have a girlfriend who he has been with about the same time (7 months). I am however not interested in the slightest and my boyfriend knows this and we make little jokes about it, not in a horrible way I add and its only between us because I feel communication in this matter is vital. However last night in bed I cant really remember what we were talking about and my boyfriend said he said he would laugh if I married jon but it would have to be a second marriage so I asked him who my first marriage would be too and he said he hadn’t decided yet. Bit confused/scared here as I am not even thinking about marriage and not planning on seeing it as a possibility until after I qualify say 24 0r 25. marriage has come up in conversation before but more in hypotheitical conversations than anything else. I haven’t really spoken to him about the fact I am not looking to settle and get married for a number of years but should i? what did he mean by that? Is he thinking about marriage and should I bring my feelings up in conversation?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Honestly, relax!! You are right, aged 21 you are not emotionally mature enough to get married and neither is your boyfriend, I'm sure he is aware of this too.
As I said before - it is natural when you are in a serious relationship to talk about the future. It doesnt mean you want it to happe NOW, it just means 'one day' you would like it to happen. As long as you are clear with him when you think 'one day' might be he cant get the wrong idea. You never know, he might even want to wait longer than that and you will find out he isnt ready for marriage until he is 30!
Just chill out a bit and dont take it so seriously, the fact he is bringing this up is just what 99% of other couples do, it is talking about the future and getting excited about sharing a life together - all perfectly normal, nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to be worried about.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you! i will mention this fact to him. i know we had got serious quickly but kinda freaked out that he was even thinking about stuff like that (he is settled in his career etc whereas i still have to go back to uni for a year etc)
i freaked also and he has mentioned serveral times, expecially at the beginning of the relationship that i was out of his league and that he must have done something right to land a girl like me and his friend said in fron of us both that my bf would be mad to let me go. this statements actually make me slight uncomfortable so i brush them off as i dont think i out of league etc, if anything i think it is the other way around so the to think he was thinking about his friends advice etc.
sorry, just thinking that he was thinking about marriage freaked me out as this is my most serious relationship and although i love him i cant commit to him like that yet as i dont believe we are emotionally mature enough for that yet.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 October 2011):
I dont think you need to worry, it sounds again like he was talking hypothetically. I doubt he is going to pop down on one knee any time soon so relax!
It is very common after a few months together to talk about the future, and if you both love each other and want this to last then marriage is a perfectly normal thing to talk about. Just because it is mentioned doesnt mean it has to happen soon!
You've only been together properly for 7 months and you are both incredibly young so I'm sure he isnt wanting to get married right away, but if you are really concerned about this then maybe the next time you are talking about the future or marriage comes up again then say something like this 'oh I could never imagine getting married before I qualify, I need to sort my career out first. I imagine I'll start thinking about marriage maybe when I'm 25'. At least if you mention this then he knows where you stand on the matter.
But generally most guys want to wait until they are a lot older to get married too - I've never heard of many 22 year olds that want to settle down! I think the youngest boyfriend that has married one of my friends was 25 (nearly 26) and even then that is still very young for a guy to be getting married. Most men I know dont get married until 27-30.
So I honestly think you are stressing over nothing, just bring it up in conversation next time casually that you dont want to get married until xx age and then he will be clear on what you want in the future.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Slow down there honey!
He hinted that he would like to marry you. He didn't ask your hand in marriage yet.
Do you want to marry him in the future?
If yes, then let him know. However let him know that you want to wait a while before you are comfortable.
If no, then you need to take things slower and figure out what you want.
Communicate with him and tell him how you feel. Don't be harsh with him though. It sounds like you mean alot to him.
Good Luck!
(Oh, I wouldn't joke that much Jon with him. Make your boyfriend the focus of your conversations and jokes.)
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