A
female
age
41-50,
*edshoes83
writes:Hi, I have a sex problem. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. He has always had a bit of a problem with premature ejaculation, not coming ridiculously quickly but the sex only ever really lasts ten minutes or something. Anyway, that was fine, and I didn't want to put more pressure on him by talking about it etc, but now 3 years down the line. I feel frustrated. When has has finished, he can't go on and cum again or whatever, in fact he can't come more than once a day. So I feel like i'm going mad. I'm thinking about sex all the time. In fact for some reason (I have never thought about this before) I have started to think about having sex with friends of mine. Which I would never actually do, but it's becoming a strong fantasy probably because I am not sexually satisfied. What I would like to know is.....IS sex that big a deal, maybe I will stop feeling like this? or do I have to bring it up? but won't that make him paranoid and therefore happen more? Anyway any help will be much apprecitated Thank you xEverything else in our relationship is fine, but the sex thing is really getting to me, as I have a very high sex drive. x
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ejaculation, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 unless you are turning down activities in favor of masturbation (i.e. going out with friends, or eating breakfast, lunch or dinner) then you are probably not doing it to much... I'm 51 and I'm at least daily if not more than once a day (very TMI but heck honesty is what got me the ability to help others I think...)
would incorporationg a dildo or strap on in your foreplay be acceptable to him?
A
female
reader, redshoes83 +, writes (27 October 2011):
redshoes83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question also i am masturbating alot! too much i think....
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A
female
reader, redshoes83 +, writes (27 October 2011):
redshoes83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for replying, my boyfriend is very affectionate with me, and we do do foreplay, but when i have an orgasm i get greedy and I want more and more for ages, I think he thinks that I will be satisfied after one and then its his turn and we stop, thing is, he gets very excited just with touching, and sometimes he cums before we even get to have sex. I think i'll have to broach the subject otherwise it will never change and he will never have the chance to be different. Thing is, i find it much easier to orgasm through intercourse, so all the hand oral stuff is nice, but not enough and when intercourse (if it does come ) comes, he cums before we really got going.... Its an opposite sex drive situation, I was also wondering as men grow older and have more and more sex, will the cumming quickly eventually fade? what do you think?
Thank you again for your replies, very helpful xx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2011):
Are you masturbating at all? I have a much higher drive than my BF and I tend to self-satisfy as needed. (god bless that hand held shower massage)....
Ten minutes of penetration is more than enough for me... I get bored if it goes on longer than that...
Sex for me is more about physical contact, and foreplay... are you getting enough of that???
the bad news is that your sex drive as a woman will increase in your 30s..... I'm 51 and totally could have sex 3 or 4 times more than I did in my 20s... I have a much higher drive now...
so maybe you need to talk about not his inability to penetrate for as long as you desire but maybe you can ask him if you could change up the foreplay a bit?
I have to admit that if my boyfriend was not the cuddle bug that he is... if he did not want to glom onto me every chance he got, if cuddling on the couch or in bed was not on his plate, if kissing me just to kiss me was not part of his game, our sex life would suck....and I'd not be happy either..
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A
male
reader, Htsn47 +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Does your BF know that you aren't satisfied? You said you haven't talked about it with him, so maybe he thinks everything is fine. Can you work with him so that he can be sure to satisfy you even if he's already ejaculated? Or by making sure you are on the verge of orgasm, or have already had an orgasm, before he enters you?
There are lots of books, etc, dealing with this issue. "She Comes First" is the first one that comes to mind - it's written by a man who had very severe premature ejaculation problems. The books is about making sure your partner is sexually fulfilled when intercourse alone isn't enough, for whatever reason. (the cause could be premature ejaculation, or it could be that the woman, like many, doesn't orgasm through intercourse alone.)
I think you need to talk about it with him. It seems to me that you aren't satisfied but you haven't given him any indication that there is a problem. So how can he try to be better if he doesn't know there is something wrong?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): do you realise that the average time for a man to ejaculate is 3 to 5 minutes. Does you partner not do for play with hands or oral. If not he should do. Get him to make you orgasm before penetration. This not only gets you what you want but takes the pressure off him when it comes to penetrative sex. I swear by this method and had no complaints yet. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I should add and emphasize, taking risks does not mean cheating, or flirting with others. You should end the relationship first if you believe you don't have to patience to wait for your boyfriend, or teach him how to become a better lover.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (27 October 2011):
To your questions, yes and no. You have a right to enjoy sex in your life time. After you experience all kinds of strong orgasms then what, you still live in this mundane world and the orgasms can't get any stronger that would take you to heaven. But still, you should be able to have your time when you are young. Sex can be a hype, there are all kinds of therapies, medications for people who are not up to standard. I believe you have to get the sex thing out of your system before you can focus on your higher energies to love a person. This is speaking from my own experience. The next thing you have to let go of the idea that a sexual relationship is what you need, because sex is not love. Your man, also have to experience sexual bliss before he can be a confident man and move upwards with you. You should not be afraid of losing a good man in your life. You do not have children so be strong in order to take the risks you can afford to lose. I know I am being confusing but you should be true to your desires right now. I think until you truly enjoy good sex, at least for a few years you would always be preoccupied with what you don't have.
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