A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I live with my Mum and every now and again we have trivial arguments, which mainly arise when she talks about what life is actually all about and more importantly how I should be living it. She is fairly random and brings it up whenever she feels like to, plus it can last for hours and hours. However, what annoys me the most is the fact that I always come up and whenever I say my thoughts (which is occasionally different from hers) I am described as some naiive girl who is a) stupid for thinking in that manner and b)not taking her words wisely and from experience. Besides of these 'lessons', I find it hard to have a joke with her. When I do, she says that she is only pleasing me (due to the age gap thing) and that I am immature for responding to it and then complains about that! I am currently studying and working part time so have little money to become independent, although I have a friend who has offered me to move in with her if things at home get tough. I have considered this offer but don't fancy the idea of being dis-owned by my Mum and having no where to go if things with this friend turns bad. Should I be annoyed with Mum? Is she right for giving me these random lectures and calling me immature etc? Should I move out and live with this friend and be disowned? Please help.
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 YOU are the egg. SHE is the chicken. Right or wrong, that's it in a nutshell.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Annoying as they can be, but I happen to believe that a mother's love is the only one that is unconditional. She may say she would disown you right now if you moved out, and perhaps yes, for a few months ... but know that it will probably hurt her just as much.
If you wanted to move out, you need to have a good reason to do that.You know, conflict only comes in peaceful times.Or in other words, fondness comes when you are apart. You being in contact with your mum 24/7 probably is one reason why she frets so much.(in addition to what Gina said that mothers knows best lol)
Furthermore. her "nagging" could just be her [politically incorrect] way of voicing her financial concerns at home, or your financial future.
However, if she can spend hours lecturing you, it also sounds like she lacks the challenge of intellectual [or like-minded] conversation in her social life. Such as with friends her age, or friends with similar hobbies or interests. So she takes it out on you. Believe me, when her energy is already spent elsewhere, the last thing she would want to do is give lecture to her daughter! lol
You can start by spending weekends with your friends maybe, and see how that goes. Also to bring in small tokens of appreciation to her, which do not necessarily cost a lot of money. Like, a packet of her favourite biscuits, or chocolates, or something nice from a local bakery/deli. or even a hand made card. Btw, do you give her some rent money too? For the time being, maybe you can increase it even though it would mean less "play money" for yourself at the moment.
Hope your situation will be resolved soon.
Cat
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