A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently split up with me, and I've also been to the doctors (at last!) and found out I have depression, so need tablets and counselling. Someone I know, who I've not spoken to very much before, has told me he likes me. When he first said that, I said I liked him too, meaning it as friends. We all went out the other night and all ended up crashing over a friends, and this guy tried to kiss me. I told him we should get to know each other first. He has since asked if he could take me out, for a meal or something then I could stay round etc, and I said yes. I've been thinking about it, and realised I really shouldn't be getting involved with anyone else since 1) I'm not over my ex and 2) I need to get this depression under control first.He's a nice guy, but I can't tell whether I've actually been leading him on or not! How can I tell him that I can't get involved or let him take me out Saturday as planned, without hurting his feelings too much?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Firstly I'd like to thank you for being an upstanding person.
And secondly to your therapist for having guided you correctly.
You just let the guy know, you've got personal issues to take care of. Don't give details. And that you don't want to get involved with "anyone" at this time.
If he's smart, he'll accept and leave you alone. However, we all want what we can't have, so he may pursue you even more.
You may find you will have to tell him a few more times.
But don't cave, I think you're doing the right thing.
If all fails, tell him you're seeing someone else. Which you are, the therapist. You don't have to tell him it's a romantic someone else, just seeing someone else.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 I think you need to be absolutely honest with him and the sooner the better, if you don't then yes, I think you are leading him on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): Don't apologise for leading him on. Just tell him you got caught up in the moment and you actually think he's lovely but after having a long hard think to yourself you realize it really wouldn't be fair on him because you're nowhere near ready to start anything with anyone else. It's not your fault OP, no need to feel bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): You tell him the truth and as soon as possible OP. That way he'll just feel a bit of disappointment and not feel used.
Ring him now, tell him you're grateful for the offer and he's lovely but you can't do it. You're not over you ex and you really aren't ready for it at the moment. No need to mention your depression. The ex thing is enough.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 February 2012):
 You told him you liked him, then agreed to go on a date and stay over at his house - of course you have led him on! He is not a mind reader, he wasnt going to know that you meant you liked him as a friend, so that one was a pretty silly thing to do if you only want to be friends with the guy.
All you can do now is be honest - explain that you've only recently been diagnosed with depression so at the moment you dont want to start dating anyone (make sure you say anyone so it is clear it is not just him that is the problem), and that you are still not fully over your ex so you want some time out from men for a while. Apologise for leading him on, explain that you do like him as a friend but dont want anything more.
Honesty is always the best policy - dont give him any false hope for the future, simply tell him the truth and I'm sure he will be ok.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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