A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've heard so many people talk about how losing their virginity was a bad experience that I feel like I've heard so many things not to do that. I wonder if anyone had a good experience for their first time. So my question is: what did you do right? What made it a good experience versus a bad one? And for the record, I don't plan on losing my virginity anytime soon; I'm just curious to know what some people did right instead of regretting it in the end. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Somehow, I got it in my head that I would lose my virginity by 17. Well, when 17 rolled by and I hadn't met anyone who I felt was worthy. I had had plenty of boyfriends, but never felt in my gut it was right... so I listened. I always trusted myself. So, I scrapped that stupid goal, and made myself up a little metaphor/view of my awesome virginity:
My virginity, to me, was the Batmobile.
I'm not crazy, alright? Stick with me. Like to me, your virginity is also the Batmobile. So you're now the sole owner of the glorious Batmobile and eventually you have to pass it on to someone; give it as a gift. Now there's only one Batmobile you know, you can't just go out buying another one. Anyone will tell you - there is only one Batmobile.
So finding someone to give this to, this is like, a major decision. It's not just a crappy Jeep or even a sturdy Volvo, this is THE BATMOBILE. So when finding someone to bestow your Batmobile to, you have to find someone who you know is going to take proper care of it. Who you can trust, and who is a responsible driver with a clean record. Not drive the car too fast, make sure it's always tuned up, someone you know will take realllyyyy good care of it. And of course, not skip out of town with it the week after he gets it.
This may sound nuts, but this was the personal view and analogy I created regarding my virginity guidelines. And even though it is a little silly, when I lost my virginity, it was at 19 to the guy that I ended up marrying 4 years later. (Even I didn't expect my Batmobile to go to a fella and then stay in the garage for the rest of my life!!) My instincts lead me the right way. There were plenty of worthy guys, but none I felt amazingly attracted to. And then there were always the guys who I was attracted to, but who really weren't worthy. I suppose my husband turned out to be the guy who hit both the marks! I could not be more pleased in my innate radar, that I turned over the precious keys to my husband!!
It was a very positive experience. We took our time, because I was taking in the whole experience and enjoying the scenery before the main attraction. I was also creating a solid friendship, respect and trust with my fella. We both went and got completely checked at the doctors and I got set up with birth control before we rounded home base. All of this made the first time so much better - even though it took awhile for it to feel awesome and for us to find out groove, that first time was still really special.
Whoa, I wrote an essay. Anyway, that is my little success story. Enjoy creating your own story, and make it one that makes you smile when you tell it! :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): So many girls use giving up their virginity as a tool. They're trying to either get or keep some guy that they can't get or keep without it. It will NEVER work like that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): I knew and dated the guy I lost my virginity to for a while before it happened.
I also lost it because I %100 wanted to have sex at the time. It happened spontaneously, it wasn't a planned event...
So my advice to have a nice first time:
-Know & trust your partner well.
-Do it when you're ready and in the mood to do it. Don't do it to impress him or because you feel like you have to.
-Don't try to plan it.
If you are at all thinking about losing your virginity to someone, get on birth control at least a month beforehand and carry condoms with you. That way you don't have to worry about it when the time comes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): Losing your virginity can be a profoundly moving and wonderful experience, but it often is not. Unfortunately, whether it is a wonderful experience or not has little to do with you, and mostly to do with the guy you choose to lose it with. Generally, (but not always), the more experienced the guy, the better the experience is for you. You want a guy who knows what he is doing, and who is not too nervous.
A couple of things can help. Sneak up on it, get a little closer each time you make out, so it is not so "weird". Also, and this is important, and a major failing with younger people, TALK about what you like, what turns you on, before you get to the big day. And, if you are very lucky, you will find a guy who is experienced at giving you oral stimulation before he penetrates, this is the ultimate foreplay before your initiation into this wonderful world.
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