A
male
age
41-50,
mrg123
writes:Single life, we are told in any case, is the life of riley. However, if you look at the questions on this website and were too do a survey of the martial status of the questioners I bet just as many would turn out to be single as do attached, in some form or another. This should clue us into the fact that it is possibly not as uncomplicated as it is sold to us as being. Assuming at some stage that most people tire of being single (because they do, though of course, there are exceptions to ever rule), the complications can be numerous. In some ways it's more complicated mostly because rather than two people being involved (or possibly three, worse case scenario) there are often multiple people/fancies to consider. In other words, it is possible for there to be too much choice, and then, of course, there is sometimes opportunities you suddenly realise you missed completely, for whatever reason. Single life can be a bit like apple bobbing or pin the tail on the donkey;if you are lucky, there are a multitude of ropes to pull on but only one leads the right way. Rather than fretting if your partner is/is not playing away or is/is not telling you the whole story you have to start at the beginning and wonder whether there is the slightest spark at all and whether, even if there is, its the right kind of spark which will burn something approaching an eternal flame.Does that person starring longingly at you over the filing cabinet? If they are staring like *that* then answer is probably yes, unless, of course, a mischievous younger sibling or mate drew a clown face on you while you were sleeping. However, are they the right one for you? That is a probably a trickier one to answer because it's hard to know based on the image people present to the world which is often not an entirely, but still a somewhat, different thing from the person they actually are in totality. Also, you may think you know somebody intimately emotionally you probably do but intimacy acquires a entirely different meaning when your standing naked in front of somebody for the first time. Often, it is said people 'change' the further you get into a relationship but I happen to think it tends to be the case that often 'change' is a euphemism for more being revealed. Of course, there are genuine cases where it happens but it usually has an reason behind it if it does. Of course, if you are not so lucky then there is the potentially mind scarring glumness of isolation and feeling like you have just been sentenced to a life (with no parole) of nothing but your reflection in the mirror for company. Festivals which should be a cause of joy becoming somewhat irritating and people, especially close friends, pairing off becomes a sad reminder of what could have been. Having said all that,I can understand why those who have been in long-term relationships view single life through rose tinted spectacles. However, they need to remember that there is alot of truth in the saying about the 'grass always being greener'; so next time they think of all the fun they could be having outside a relationship they should perhaps consider their single friends and ask themselves if their lives are in fact 'simpler' or just complicated, but in different ways.
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (1 August 2011):
mrg123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Angel,
Indeed we do miss out on some things though as you point out having a break from relationships after a run of bad ones is usually a good plan. Some people invariably do thrive off of being single and find converse to this they are at their worst when in relationships. As you say long term relationships are not without their problems but its a trade isnt it, singletons have the excitement as you say but those in an LTR have security and ultimately it possibly comes down to what you as an individual find you need the most.
You may well be right on that. Having said that, speaking personally, I dont feel as pressing a need to be in a relationship as I have done before, i'm not moping for the lack of one but still find myself thinking I am going to get in more trouble and have more complications being single than I would in a LTR - maybe because although I don't feel it as keenly, that need still exists on some level, and maybe some people never lose it because its innate to their natures?
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (1 August 2011):
 after a long career in disastrous relationships i am having a well earned break and couldn't be happier - i never thought i would say that. there are things that us singletons miss out on, vacations are the biggest thing i miss coz my friends go on holiday with their men, weekends can also be lonely as friends typically spend them with their partners (going to garden centres and such like!)
but as long as you have got pals or family members to spend SOME of your time and you can enjoy your own company the rest of the time you have a good life.
sometimes i am the kind of singleton who meets blokes and i amuse my friends with my stories and then the equally entertaining tales of the break ups. this is when i am at my worst. the trust issues, the exes, the pressure to have sex and to make that sex fantastic, the pressure to keep my legs (etc!) shaved...
i think being in a long term relationship has plenty of problems - boredom, bickering, realising you are no longer happy or in love with the person but being too involved to get out. on the plus side though they have emotional security, but this can bring complacency.
the singleton has the excitement in their life, all those first dates, the rush of hormones that comes with new relationships, the freedom to date others or see friends coz you are not committed to anyone. but also life can be a emotional rollercoaster there is no security.
so i have lived on both sides of this fence in my time, but for me, peace of mind came when i eventually (it took me til age 39) realised that i do not *need* a relationship.. i think its when people, whether single or attached believe strongly that they have to have a relationship NO MATTER WHAT that things get complicated for them
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (31 July 2011):
mrg123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWordly,
I wouldn't say it makes you a coward no, it's a case of different horses for different courses isn't it, some people are perfectly happy single, so dont worry about it :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): I never get invited to BBQs being held by couples, its always been a thing thats depressed me. I go to family ones but thats different.
Even though I have never flirted with anyones partner I always feel they think I might,so don't invite me
Single is complicated yes,but not as bad as being in a relationship thats gone bad. Friends pop round to moan and vent about their partner/marriages and I hear enough to know I would rather be single n happy.But maybe that makes me a coward who won't take a risk?
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