A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy in a business deal a year ago, he's American but was living with his family in china at that time , so he left shortly after the business deal. We met as simple acquaintances, but got along and started keeping in touch since.About six months ago, he and his family moved to the US again in a state far from me and we never quit keeping in touch.Recently he was sent to make a business trip and he gave me his email address again. At first I was like a friend thing, I really thought he was too cuz he have talked about his family and all.But before he left to this trip he wrote that he enjoys our friendship and communications and that he we'll keep in touch.He sent me a note yestarday asking me how I was and all.Can this thing starting to lead into something more or is not to worry?
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 TO be honest - I think there IS potential for this contact to be problematic. You don;t give any details about your own situation...are you married/in a relationship??My understanding is that this kind of contact CAN be the lead in to infidelity....if this man is experiencing any kind of marital strain he may find communicating with you filling a 'gap'...and it could easily go to another level...let's meet up for lunch when I come to town next for example.... your own situation would influence this too...what are you getting/wanting from this communication?? I may be completely off track here, he may have nothing but friendship on his mind...BUT, if you are even wondering about the appropriateness of this emailing then chances are your own "red flag" is not to be ignored. I think you know he is may be up to no good....???You could always be upfont with him - write to him about your "worries"...you can even say that it is probably silly, but that you need to be clear with him that you have no interest in "flirting" with a married man, so if he's in it for that sort of reason it would be better you didn't stay in touch.... see what he does then. OR - just be quite 'professional'/neutral in any written contact...ie: not getting into personal stuff, discussing each others problems etc...that's when things can get messy!!At the end of the day, he lives a long way away, he's married, what exactly is in it for you to keep in touch? I would just petter out written contact - not answer for a couple of weeks, keep it brief, you don;t have to be confrontational or rude....but let him loose interest...put your energy into other people/pursuits!That's my 20 cents worth!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): If you have to ask, it bothers you enough that that should be a red flag. The answer is "no" it doesn't have to be a worry, but in your case it is.I think I'd be like you. When I enjoy the friendship of married men, I feel it's like walking a tight rope. I'm thankful the parameters are restricted to work, or some other naturally limiting scenario. It's the friendships that break off into messaging, and deeper sharing that start to be unhealthy to the marriage.Here's where something that may feel kind and good, friendly can be bad just because your sharing is preventing that intimacy between the marrieds.It can go against what feels right, but you may want to let this relationship fade away.
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