A
female
age
30-35,
*ustwannabehappy
writes:My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately... I've been feeling a bit left out because he has a large group of friends and a new job and so on. We've still been hanging out and when we do it has been really nice and great just like always. There's just one thing and it's that we haven't been as intimate as we are used to being, like we're kissing less and are relationship has been more friendly. We've been hanging out laughing and just relaxing together more... We've been together for almost a year and a half so I don't know if this is because we are moving past the exciting new and passionate part of the relationship and move over to a deeper level or if this means we are falling out of love? I mean the butterflies in the stomach and those exciting feelings you get in the start aren't there anymore but maybe that's natural after so long..? Well this past week we have been fighting a bit over the fact that he hasn't been able to give me the amount of attention or affection I need in the relationship... Maybe I'm too demanding but I still get really sad when I feel forgotten by him. Yesterday he was late when he was coming to my house and we started fighting. He was really sad and angry at him self for making me feel that way because he has always been the best boyfriend. (Btw we are 19) but he couldn't explain why he didn't remember or wasn't able to make an effort for me. He couldn't explain what he felt and I didn't know what to feel because I felt hurt over the way it has been between us (some of the time). But I then decided to drop a bomb and tell him a secret I've been keeping from him to not hurt him... I kissed a guy at a festival a year ago and never told him... I don't know why I told that secret now but I felt we were going nowhere and maybe it's stupid but it's done... He got so sad and angry with me and I could see it broke his heart... :( he then said he wanted a break and we talked a bit more but he said he would contact me so we could talk... Another detail worth mentioning is that we were best friends before we became a couple and have always been on the same terms on staying friends if we break up... So now my dilemma is what can I do? Should I just let him be and no contact him or should I write a text since we've been a couple for so long and I'm in the wrong..? And maybe we need a longer break which could maybe shed some light on how we both feel, and if I really still want it? All I know is that I feel terrible for what I did but I spent so long beating myself up for it at the time that.. We'll I don't know it's confusing but I miss him... Is there a chance for us?
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female
reader, justwannabehappy +, writes (15 September 2014):
justwannabehappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe contacted me and we talked... I did a lot of thinking these past days and have found out that i have also been in the Wrong... I've had too much free time and too dependent on him that I forgot to do things that I enjoy and have been expecting too much of him. Other than that some other issues came up, we haven't been really listening to each other and had both kinda taken each other company for granted. This kiss is what I regret most and during this time apart I found out that I really want to be with him, because of who he is and how good it really is when we're together! During the conversation he was sad and hurt and I told him how sorry I was and how stupid it was ... He was confused and hurt and sad, and it went back and forth... First he was sad then he kissede me then he got confused and finally we went upstairs in my house because it was raining and cold and then he said he wanted to do this and that he really wanted to be with me :) so now we're together and have decided to take it slow without expectations or demanding requests and really enjoy what we really have together... So I guess sometimes you realize how good things are when you're apart and you're willing to fight for it and let the past go ... I really love him and love being with him and I'm happy it turned out this way :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 I personally, think when people need a "break" in their relationship it's the beginning of the end. It's not a holiday FROM the relationship, it's a break, a precursor to a break up.
You kept the kiss a secret for a whole year to NOT hurt him, and then you use it as ammo TO hurt him. Not really fighting fair are you?
You were hurt that he can't express why he was late or half forgot to see you, so you decided well, he hurt me, I'll hurt him. This is petty and you know it.
Should you apologize? Only if you feel remorse. NOT because you regrets saying it, but regret DOING it.
Taking a break CAN work for some, but ONLY if they have clear "rules" while on break and IF they SORT out what is going on and what cause the problem.
Give him some space to think. And consider what needs to be done from YOUR end to fix things. And what you really want/need from him. Now he may decide that dating is not for you and he might not be able to stay friends, both things you will HAVE to accept, whether you like it or not.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 I really don't think there is a chance for you two. Even if you didn't kiss that guy a year ago you still wouldn't be happy in the relationship.
Your not compatible together and it's time to let it go.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 September 2014):
 That comfort stage after 18 months exists but people fall out of love more often when the significant other is not really the right person for them. Being comfortable doesn't mean a complete stop to courtship and intimacy. It just means that butterfly feelings are pleasant, still beautiful as opposed to a roller coaster of dramatic, feverish feelings. It is easy to fall in love even when we don't know if the person is right, at the beginning. But when there is betrayal or trust issues, it still hurts even when the relationship isn't going anywhere.
It is easy to pledge forever friendship but in reality it is hard to do so after a break up. A temporary break is just a cushion to an abrupt total break. Here a break does nothing to solve problems. It only creates more distance. You will always remember him as a guy who prioritizes his friends, and leave you alone when he's stressed.
I believe you told him you kissed a guy when subconsciously you wanted to destroy the relationship and move on. You wanted to cut ties so any chances of him trying to fix the problem is gone. You want to move on so much that he can't ever disappoint you again. It is a sad thing to ask for a chance so if I were you I would hold my head up high and conclude that he didn't do enough for the relationship, and you weren't right for each other anyway.
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A
female
reader, bellax +, writes (12 September 2014):
 i went through the same problem as you the best i can tell you is give him some space so it doesnt come out clingy or to needed even though the attraction isnt there theres always hope staying friends can actually rebuild the relationship by talking it out if not seek dating counsiling because they also help as well you made it through tough times and hes been always there when you needed him just remember some guys doesnt want needy girls they need a comfort zone where theres a pause to see if its worth into
guys are weird and some of them arnt even into spilling there emotions there not a emotion giver there are others out in the sea for you just give
it some time he may come around but not to much space because to much space can lead a hurtful road :/
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