| A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Is it wrong to sleep with distant cousin?Not even real distant cousin. Its just that both of our family have same family name. I hate when all of my and their family meets like( cousin family)Also in our culture it is okay to Marry first cousin if she is daughter of my fathers sister and my mothers brother.But not not in other cases. Is it justice? What is wrong with this world nothing seems right or wrong . we are all slave of our own culture. I love her very much . but when people around me make us feel that we are cousin brother and sister I feel like something is very wrong.
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 June 2016):
 Dravidian kinship in India is similar to what you're saying... Marriage between mother's brother's son and father's sister's daughter. If you do belong to this group then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
Nevertheless, other "cousin" relationships are not allowed and that's how it is. You have to ask yourself if it's worth antagonizing your family over your decision to marry your cousin. I personally think you shouldn't go down that route because things can get very messy. If you are Indian after all and belong to the Dravidian race then you know exactly how society would treat you if you went ahead with your decision.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2016): Thank you for all replies.
Its just doesn't make sense that u can't sleep with her( not even blood related ), and can marry ur first couison. ( fathers sister daughter and mother brother daughter)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2016): Thxs for your reply. but it just doesn't make sense that I can't sleep with her ( even if she is not blood related exactly) but can marry someone very close I.e is first couison ( only father's brothers daughter and mothers brothers daughter)
I am from Nepal by the way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2016): You're very young and your hormones are a little out of control. If it's all about sex, find someone totally unrelated and of proper consensual age. Then you don't have to worry about cultural disapproval or the law.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 You didn't clarify exactly what kind of cousin this person is. Is she your first cousin? How, exactly, is she related to you?? You also don't disclose where you are from, so there's no way I can advise you regarding the law. In some places, messing with a first cousin is Incest. It's a lot more rare to ban marriage to second cousins, so the exact nature of the family relationship by blood is essential in making the decision.
Culture has to make way for the law of the land. There are some cultures here in the states that allow for polygamy (more than one husband or wife), but the law prohibits this from happening, so it's not usually done except in secret.
My advice is that if you're merely lusting after your cousin with the goal of sleeping with her, DON'T! Family is not something to mess with, and like Honeypie said, there are so many NON-related women out there who would not destroy your relationship with your family.
Now, if it's legal in your country or state (I'm getting the feeling you're not from the US), then it is something to speak to her parents about *IF* you're wanting to pursue an actual, honorable relationship and not some sexual conquest. If this is a marriage issue, don't go sneaking off with her and pissing off your family, or you will have a rough go of it for your entire life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 June 2016):
 If it's not OK in your culture, then it's not OK in your culture. That will no change overnight or because we here on a website think otherwise.
I don't think it has to do with right or wrong here, it has to do with traditions and social norms.
Considering how many "cultures" and societies have been build by family marrying family (to keep land and titles within the family) I often find it odd that it's such a big deal for some people, nevertheless it is for some.
Genetically speaking the more "shared" genetic material two parents have, the bigger the likelihood for birth defects. Why? I can't tell you, I'm not a geneticist.
I also think it has to do with the explosion in the World's population, there really IS no real reason to "fish for a mate" within the family there are plenty of "fish" out there to pick from.
All you can do is sit down with your parents and if you can convince them, sit down with HER family. Otherwise you might just be out of luck dating this one girl.
...............................
|
