A
female
age
30-35,
*essaboo
writes:Is it wrong to make your boyfriend or girlfriend choose between you and a friend of theirs that they have had for a while?? I mean even if you think you have a good reason?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, nessaboo +, writes (4 April 2008):
nessaboo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell im not a CONTROL FREAK thats for sure but i do feel bad to even think that way but all of u said unless the reason is he is tryna break us up or a bad influence etc... but really hes all the reason u guys said
breaking us up ok... in the beging of our relationship he went around telling everyone that my partner was cheating on me i mean he told everyone soeveryone got mad at me for being with my partner still soo when i told my partner who was sayin that she was cheating on me she didnt believe me until the person her told that he was gunna start the rumor to told us and we confronted him and he said he aint say it but she knew he did at that point but she couldnt except the fact he was a liar
then number two he kno that my partner use to have a drinkin problem but since he been wit me he slowed down and theres one drink that makes him really mean when e get drunk off it soo he wont drink it cuz he kno im the one who has to deal wit it wen he done drinkin so he will tell me he wants to drink wit his friend and i will say ok watever but then tell him well dont drink u kno wat cuz u get mean he says i kno well then her friend comes ova and on purpose knows that she shouldnt be drikin the stuff he brings like 2bottles of it bogus right??
3rd he also knos that shes on probation ok so she cant smoke weed well he will text me and act like hes my best friend like oh she should smoke wat if she gets caught and then a hour later i call her and ask her hey wat u doin her response oh nothin smoking with and i say who and she says him i mean hes very two faced and he acts like my friend but tells people i kno like oh she a b**** or she trippin i mean wat to do u still think im wrong??
ps: sorry so long jus wanted to fill u in and also i meant to say my partner is a girl and also the friend i dont like her talkin to is also in love with her and i kno for a fact because he told people that we are both friends with
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I agree with 'duskyrowe'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Normally, it is wrong, but there are always exceptions. If friends divide you two, then the friends should not be seen. If the friends are supportive of both of you, not getting in the middle of you both, then they should be kept. If a friend is a threat to the relationship, like one friend interested in one of the partners for themselves, then they should be dumped quickly.
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 It is wrong. Mostly because it puts the person you love into a compromising situation.
When asked "who would you pick if you had to pick between me and him?" I said, "I would pick the person who didn't ask me to choose."
So if my boyfriend asked me to choose, i'd pick the other person and vice versa. it's just not necessary is it?
It is rather controlling and could cause a rift. Maybe if we knew what the reason was we could offer more help but for now i agree with the general consensus that it isn't a good idea to make someone choose between two people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): It really depends on the reason/circumstances. Some people have toxic friends in their lives who they really shouldn't associate with. Forcing them to choose doesn't necessarily mean you're a control freak by any means. It's not that cut and dry. It could very well mean that you care a great deal about your partner and don't want to see them dragged down by a toxic friend.
My ex had a "best friend" who, despite having never even met me, did nothing but trash me to my boyfriend, tell my ex I would just end up cheating on him (something I would and will NEVER do) and try to get him to dump me (he had done the same to all of my ex's other girlfriends). My ex took his friend's side and never stood up for me. His friend also never seemed to have anything positive to say to or about my ex - and supposedly they were best friends. It was a constant issue in the relationship.
Frankly, I wish I had given my ex an ultimatum - I know he would have chosen his friend, but in doing so I would have realized what a spineless excuse for a man my ex really was and I'd have dumped him, instead of wasting even more time on him like I did - only to have him dump me shortly after he'd been out for a visit with that very same best friend. Coincidence? I don't think so.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (3 April 2008):
 It depends on what the reason is and how good it is. If the friend has done something bad and you believe they are a bad influence then, yes, you can make them choose. It just depends on the reason really.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Yes it is wrong to make them chose. It means your controlling and will end up dicating his life eventually.
Unless the friend is trying to break you up i doubt theres a good reason
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (3 April 2008):
 No it means that you will end up being a CONTROL FREAK and dictating to your partner what to do with their lives.
Lovers just come and go, friends are for life. Unless of course their friends are a very bad influence on them, nevertheless it would be a bad idea to ask your partner to choose between you or his/her friend/s.
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