A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My daughter's dad called today to tell me Fed Ex has delivered a package. His sister and mother sent his daughter a new pair of shoes, along with a doll house and a brand new labtop. It was nice of them to send it to them. What I am trying to say is that, he owes me money for his portion for our daughter's medical bills and his family is sending him all these things. His family have been helping him financially and I get nothing for our daughter. His family doesn't send him anything for her, etc. Is it wrong to confront him about... if you're family is sending you all these expensive things, why can't your family help pay what for what you owe me? I am frustrated and it's turning into anger because I need financial help. As everyone knows, it's hard being a single parent. We are supposed to go over to visit but now, after that phone call, I just want to calm down.What should I do?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 The gift from his sister and mother was a gift of love to his daughter.
You should separate this issue from the debts he owed you.
You could talk to him about financial help and his responsibilities and if you have tried and it does not work, then you will have to soldier on alone or you could go to his mother as a last resort and arbitrate with her.
If your relationship with them is bad, then you will have to do whatever you can singlehandedly.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Ah, divorce, lovely ain't it?
His family obviously wants to bribe their way into your daughters heart, come one a gift is nice but this too much especially when the father is too poor to pay for his daughters medical bills?
Why did you pay for them anyway? Doesn't he have to pay child support? Why didn't he pay up his half right away?
But this way the family can be the good guy in your childs heart by buying lots of expensive presents while you are the bad guy who complains and only does the boring things like working hard to pay for things that keep her alive.
These things sadly happen. Check with your lawyer about how you can get the money back and next time, make sure don't advance him any money. Remember, if he wants to see his kid, he needs to pay the support needed. If he don't then you can go to court and demand it.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (15 March 2008):
Hi,
I can sympathise having spent time as a single parent myself in the past. (mine are grown up and doing their own thing now). However his family has no legal obligation to help you and your daughter out in this. It is a hard pill to swallow and I do suggest a course of action.
You do need to discuss this with your ex. Rather than being confrontational (so easy to do I know) try to tell him how it makes you feel, actually using words like "When I see all these things it makes me feel hurt that our daughter's medical bills cannot be paid instead." Expressing your frustration as personal feelings is less threatening to him and so more likely to actually register. In you discussion with him, say that you know he is getting help that he needs and you just need to agree with him some strategy that you both can stick to which will address your daughter's needs as well.
If you go into this discussion mentally accepting that you are likely to get nothing at all, then anything you do achieve will feel more positive and useful. At this initial stage, try not to mention legal action as that will not help these discussion. Of course it may be that if he continues to be a deadbeat then you might have to get legal, but not yet if possible.
I don't know if this helps but if I can be of any further assistance then please send me a private message and I will help with what advice I can.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Calm down and confront him. You may want to begin with something like, "I am thankful for these gifts, and your family is just wonderful, but I am worried/concerned about....," so that he nor his family tries to accuse you of being ungrateful. Don't be surprised if they do though, or accuse you of "Looking a gift-horse in the mouth." Really you are just trying to hold him responsible of his share in raising her.
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