A
female
age
36-40,
*razyinthemind
writes:Is it wrong that I am tired of being friends with my best friend?I have been friends with my best friend since we were young almost 20 years now! She has been with the same man for 8 years and they are getting married. I am now dating a man, who I am completely in love with. However my best friend has made it clear that if I choose to stay with my boyfriend in New Jersey and don't move with her and her soon to be husband while she goes to med school, in England then I am a shitty friend. She thinks that since we have always gone to school together that a boyfriend should not stop us now! She thinks that if we are over seas that we will stop being friends. And that my boyfriend is the cause of me wanting to stay. (In a way he is, but also I love it where I live!)I know that friends can be apart, but she is a "needy" friend. I am always there for her, except for recently when I have become very serious with my boyfriend. I am not ready to get married to him yet, but I do hope so eventually. I think if she was a true friend she would want me to live here with my boyfriend and family and still want to be my friend while she is in England for school. I think of her as family and I think that we are still very close, but I just can't be her "girlfriend" as well as her “best friend”. I can only be her friend while I work on my life. Please help I need your advice!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): "However my best friend has made it clear that if I choose to stay with my boyfriend in New Jersey and don't move with her and her soon to be husband while she goes to med school, in England then I am a sh*tty friend. She thinks that since we have always gone to school together that a boyfriend should not stop us now!"
Wow! I think she is being the "sh*tty" friend here, making you choose between her and your boyfriend! Please inform your friend that it's the 21st century! There are things called e-mail, web cameras, Skype, etc. used in order to keep people in touch with one another. You both are adults now and sometimes have to grow up on your own, but that doesn't mean growing apart. Deep down I think friendship means a lot to your friend and she is afraid of losing you, but you can NOT give in to her desperate attempts of having you move with her to England.
You need to do what is best for you. You are in a relationship now and have your own life to live separate from your friend's. Explain to her what you have said here- that you like where you are living now and will promise to keep in touch with her/visit her when she is off in England. If your friend gets upset or anything, maybe it's best to give her space until she decides to stop acting like a child. Best of luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 January 2010):
Not that great if she's making you choose between her and someone you love, is she? And not that great if she then says you're s shitty friend. Let her do what she wants, and you follow your own life. She can't have it all her own way. Perhaps you're the one who will be better off if she wants to be like this.
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