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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: HELP my boyfriend cheated on me!!My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months. He was my best friend for almost a year, and it took us a long time to start dating. It immediately got incredibly serious, and we fell in love. I was in a sexually abusive relationship before, and he was helping me so generously with all my issues. We are finshing up college, and just got back from winter break, and he told me he slept with an old flame.He says he was so drunk and stopped it at soon as he realized, but it was too late. He's been crying and not eating and says he's going to wait for me. I alway thought this would be the one thing I could never put up with, but I love him so much. He is determined to make it better, but I don't know what to do. Please help me.
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 They say people deserve a second chance.
If he's really sorry and you really want to, then forgive him and start over.
Who knows how long it'll take before you feel the same about him. It'll never be the exactly the same as before cos he's broken your trust.
Remember actions speak louder than words.
If you ever suspect him in the future, then dump him, cos if you don't, you'll be miserable.
Be strong girl. good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): Hello
Very often people can forgive someone who cheats, I think most people feel that they would never forgive but it is very different if faced with the situation.
Only you can judge if he is truly sorry and regrets his actions, from what you wrote it sounds like he is. You are very brave, after such an awful past experience and you and your bf obviously have a special bond because he helped you in the worst part of your life. Would you say its worth throwing that all away?
I personally think it would take a long time to go back to how your relationship was, and it is important you set all the terms from the start, he has a lot of making up to do and he needs to prove he is sincere and eager to regain your trust. Start out like you've never dated perhaps? Go for short, simple dates at a coffee shop or cinema and try to enjoy his company and forget the past.
You can both go to counselling for couples, in the UK there is Relate and they help couples work through situations just like yours. It is worth going as you will have help from someone who has a lot of experience.
You may realise you can never trust him again, if that happens then it is time to call it quits. No one can spend a lifetime with someone they never trust as it will cause unease and worry. But at least if you try counselling or just starting afresh you can say you gave it your best shot and if it still doesn't feel right he will have to respect your wishes to leave.
Take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): It depends how you feel about it. Do you want to forgive him and move on together? Or do you want to finish your relationship with him and move on from him? I think you have got to consider these things first though before you make your decision. He knew that you were in a sexually abusive relationship but still cheated on you. But not just with anybody. He cheated on you with an old flame. This could mean that there is unfinished business there. It's your choice on what you decide to do however if i was you i would dump him and move on. If you forgive him he might feel like he could carry on cheating on you and carry on being forgiven.
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