A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong of me to not want to go to my gf's brothers wedding early next year? He lives and is getting married in far off asia and it would be expensive and something i really just wouldn't want to do. I felt i had a valid point when i told her i didn't want to go and thought she was asking too much (her family autmatically assumed i was going) but she got really upset and said i was being selfish and not commited as it meant so much to her but now i've said that she wouldn't even want me to go because i'd be doing it just to please her and wouldn't actually want to be there. I feel really guilty and in hindsight wonder if it was mean and selfish and unsupportive of me? should i have kept quiet and just gone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Maybe there is a project you want to invest your money in, a work training program or a new computer or redecorating the house. If your g/f doesn't understand this it may be she has too much money on her hands... and has rarely had to choose what to do with money. The only way I would personally be... not guilty, but probably sad... would be for the girlfriend to understand that I cannot go. If she reproached something like this and told me that I was selfish(!) then I'd be even more determined not to go. But this is from a person with high standards ...who is with a partner who correponds to those standards.If you CAN afford to go I agree it can be a nice holiday. Anyway, I don't see what money has to do with a successful relationship. If you don't have money for a certain activity you simply don't involved. If that has repercussions on your relationship, what does this tell you?...Another good point is, is she the party type of person in general? If you're not... it can influence the relationship... if the two don't like the same type of fun. But this is not something that yous hould worry about right away. All the best.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (5 June 2009):
 i agree i mean if they pay for the flights fair enough but
if you don't know this guy then it's a bit weird like.
i mean she wants you there as her boyfriend and i know weddings for girls get really emotional and they really want to be with the one they love.
but it's a bit silly to expect you to go and especially the parents.
i think it's all a bit unfair to be honest.
Best of luck to you.
hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (5 June 2009):
I agree with sarcy24! You shouldn't feel guilty, and if your girlfriend "really loves you" she should try to understand! Asia is far away and expensive, and perhaps you can meet her brother and his new wife some time in the near future if they come to the US, or on a trip to the far east when you really have the time, money, and more inclination, etc. to go.
I wonder how long you have been going out with your girlfriend? Some families travel at the drop of a hat, whereas for other people, it is Major. For myself, I am not big on long travel for short events, and understand your feelings. I hope that you and your girlfriend can
come to a positive understanding about this, and that she can realize that you DO love her, but just can't attend this specific event...
Best of luck & love,
Manya
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 June 2009):
Well I guess your girlfriend assumed that at some point you would want to be a part of her family. So this, in effect, would be YOUR future brother's wedding.
If you'd said you can't afford it then fair enough.
But by saying "I don't want to." then yes, you are being a bit selfish.
You haven't explained here why you don't want to so I doubt you've explained it very well to her either.
It's a great holiday opportunity. It's not like you'll just be flying out and back for the day.
What possible reason would you have to not want to go on holiday with your girlfriend to asia?
Tell her I'll take her. I'd love to travel over there.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've never even met him (i pointed this out to her and it made her very upset that i'd said it :s ) He's coming back end of the month though so i'll meet him then but no matter how much i tell myself i should i simply really don't want to!
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (5 June 2009):
 I think it is a bit unrealistic of her family to expect you to go to Asia. It is a long way away and the flights and everything else are very expensive. Maybe if they offered to pay it would be different but to expect you to fork out is not very fair. Do you know her brother well because that also has a bearing on things. I personally wouldn't want to go either and I don't think you are being selfish. Presumably you are quite young and may not as yet be a big earner so its too much to expect.
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