A
male
age
41-50,
*onnysfault
writes:I truly feel I have to explain a little background. I just got out of a seven year rocky relationship with the mother of beautiful baby girl who is the true holder of my heart. I was in no way inocent in all our problems but definatly not the only one at fault. The sad thing is the only reason we lasted as long as we did was for the child and not for love. I just couldn't stand the idea of my child growing up in seperate homes like I did with a dead beat father so I put that in front of my happiness and it never bothered me. Well since her and I split up we both have moved on with our lives and other people. I met who what I truly believe is my soul mate. She is everything I have ever dreamed of in a partner and for the first woman I want to make my life I can't begin to try and explain how I feel about her. Which leads me to my question and my a screw up. My ex called me up the other day and started saying everything I wanted to hear through text and like a jack ass I bite and had a brief moment of four text messages I sent to her in an hour. Well I quickly realized that I'm an idiot and put a stop to the messages. Well my new gf Found the text messages and understandingly she's furious and has every right to be. I have tried to tell her I am willing to stick it out and make up for it everyday to do whatever I have to because I love her unconditionally. I understand the way the messages look to her but honestly it was simply the love for my child and the desire of her growing up in a normal family that caused me to entertain that idea. My main problem is she won't really understand the love a parent has for their kid until she has her own. So what can I do to get her to understand that I was only acting on my love for my daughter and not for my ex who honestly I can't stand the sight of. And to make things worse she is naturally questioning everything I've ever said. I feel like my only real mistake is not telling her this when it happened it was just a breif moment of weakness for the idea of having my baby girl everyday that I didn't act on and if anything has make me realize even more how much I do love her. Someone help tell me I'm right or wrong I just need help
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female
reader, Jesshton +, writes (5 June 2009):
 I am a single mother of two who divorced and in a relationship, so I understand the dynamics. I am assuming that the texts to your ex were about you and her maybe getting back together. I know that you want to be with your daughter all the time and want her to grow up in a household where both parents are present, but right now that is not your reality. You will marry and so will your ex and your daughter will have 4 parents to help raise her...that's a lot of love!
Like springluv2 said, you should ONLY be talking to your ex to discuss your daughters well being and nothing more. Otherwise you will ruin every potential relationship you try to have. The text messaging was wrong. You are entitled to feel the way you feel or want what you want, but remember once you type it out and hit send...you can't get it back. I don't blame your girlfriend for being upset.
So you screwed up...apologize...AGAIN. And don't make the same mistake again EVER. After that it is left to her to forgive you...so give her some time and space.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): The best way to get through something like this, is to see it from another's point of view and not try explaining yours. Listen to what she says, and repeat it back to her, follow it with a promise to never do this again.For example, girlfriend says...You said xxx to her and I can't believe anything else.you say, I understand that when I said xxx it really hurt you and I am truly sorry for saying that, I wish I hadn't and I can promise you it will never happen again, from now on the only communication I will have with her is to set arrangements to pick up my little girl. If you like, I will put her on speakerphone.Do not offer excuses or explanations...just reiterate and validate and promise a change in the future. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, springluv2 +, writes (5 June 2009):
im not an expert but I am a child of a broken family. Your ex has every right to be mad and the texts you wrote are wrong. The only conversation you and your childs mother should have is about your baby girl.
Second, if you feel that way towards your ex obviously there are some hidden feelings there. The smart thing to do is to either tell your new gf that you need a break and tell your ex to respect your relationship. Truthfully ex's will do anything to break up a new relationship.
Don't sit there and try to explain because us woman hate that. I am a mother by the way. Only answer questions that she asks I know she is fuming but eventually she will get over it.
As for my conclusion, the only person that matters is your little girl, as long as she is not deceived everything is okay. Just let your relationship flow, u can't fix what has already happened.
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