A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I currently live with my boyfriend and this has been going on for close to a year now. So far everything is harmonious with ofcourse some petty fights every now and then.I was surfing this morning on the net about relationships and I have come to read twice of an advise that says if you are dating, that you should be not doing your bf's laundry or ironing his clothes as it is not advisable if you like to keep a long term relationship. I don't think it refers to this activity only, it's like telling not to do his personal chores for himself.Well, this has caught my attention coz I am doing these things exactly. However, he is in charge of the garbage and guy stuffs which I can't do. And I feel we are doing chores at home equally.Maybe I am asking a silly question but what do you guys think about that advise? Is it applicable to my situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL Anyways, we do groceries together and he carries them for me. He is also a good cook more than me so he cooks our meal regularly.
Thanks anyway Cindy, but you are right about dividing chores equally.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 ...While the "girls" stuff - cooking ,cleaning, washing ,grocery shopping,tidying up - DOES happen on a daily basis....
I still think he needs to be a bit more involved in daily chores... do not let him get so much mileage out of changing a bulb every now and then !,lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your insights. Everyone seemingly has different opinions and I really appreciate that.
As to Cindy's response, yes I have not elaborated the guy stuff as it does not happen on a daily basis. Things like, plumbing the pipes when it's clogged, changing bulbs, fixing my broken laptop or installing some programs and all those kinds of fixing only he can understand how to make it work.
And I have to mention male anonymous for his opinion on this. You have a good point about that, especially for men. Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I would take no notice about the two articles you read! once you dont feel like you are being taken for granted and you both work together, whats the harm in it? if your happy and hes happy then its all good.
Ive been with my Bf for 9 months now il cook him dinner and he sometimes washes up, i wash his clothes because he stays most nights and sure im doing my own washing so if there's room il throw his in too.. I dont think that hes looking at me like im a total Eejit for doing stuff for him because he shows me how much he appreciates me :) I am a Mammy aswell to 2 children 5 and 6 so im always running around the house cooking and cleaning and what not so it really doesnt bother me, i like looking after my man.
If your happy to do this for him then continue to do so you know your Bf not the person who wrote the article you read, so once hes not using you as a skivvy carry on if its what you want to do :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I don't think the laundry is the problem but the main concern would be that he has very little if no incentive to ever marry you since he is getting all the wifey benefits without making that commitment.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 June 2011):
I think it applies to people not living together . Like, you go to his place for a romantic , sexy evening and ..." since you are here, you could iron my shirt " kind of thing.
If two people live together it's just simpler and faster to do one load for both rather than "his and hers " loads.
Maybe you could take turns, though.
If you are happy , then everybody is happy - enough said.
Yet I am a tad suspicious about what the ""guy's stuff" could be. Unless you mean chopping wood !, I can't think of any "typically male " chore, and I suspect - I apologize in advance for my malice :) that basically you are doing bascally everything around the house , while he ... takes out the garbage and .... what else ? walks the dog ?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 If you feel it's equal and life is working smoothly then I'd say Carry on.
I do not yet live with my BF but we spend most weekends together and we carry on as if we live together (as that's our plan as soon as my home is sold).... and he hates washing dishes so I wash the dishes... he leaves them for me during the week too...
Laundry.. he does his and/or mine... he washes... he hangs I do the folding of his stuff as well as mine.
TEAMWORK and fairness matter. not what some web page says
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Of course you can do his laundry if you are happy to!
It is totally up to you and your partner how you divide the housework and chores, not some advice on the internet!
There is some thought on the issue that if a woman moves in with a man and does all the chores for him, he will get lazy and wont appreciate her, therefore the woman will feel taken advantage of and not appreciated.
However in your case, you do his laundry yet he has other roles around the house like taking out the garbage etc. You clearly have worked out a good system for doing chores and if you are both happy with it, then there is nothing wrong with it at all.
I have lived with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, I do most of the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc and he does the garbage and other, as you said, typically male duties. I enjoy cooking, and I dont mind doing the cleaning and laundry, mostly because he does not do a very good job when he tries! But he appreciates me for this, and we are happy with our situation. I could not care less if any mad feminists tried to tell me that he is taking advantage or I shouldnt be doing all of this, I am happy to and we have a good relationship therefore anyone elses opinions dont matter.
Dont worry about what you read online - if you are happy and are not feeling taken advantage of by your boyfriend then everything is fine and you should carry on as you are. I think there is more to making a relationship last long term than just chores, the articles you have read sound very pro-feminism and treating men like they are all far too eager to take advantage of women, which is totally not true for all men. Take such advice with a pinch of salt, and always use your own experience first before you take on board advice you find online.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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