A
female
age
51-59,
*assionately pursuing
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been in love with a man I know for 20 years.We are both currently in committed relationships, but the opportunity to have a strictly sexual relationship has come up. Neither one of us want to give up our current relationships, we just want our friendship to move to the "with benefits" level. We have been great friends for 20 years and we are both happy in all aspects of our other relationships, except neither one of us is sexually happy at home.Is it wrong for us to enter into a strictly sexual relationship with each other? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): The FWB thing wont fly ... as both of you are in committed relationships and therefore risk some emotional friction between all parties. You dont know what affects are had until after things are finished. Even if your current man candy says yeah okay cool you still have that risk of something bad happening and that shouldnt happen. Both of you should break stuff off from your current relationship and pursue what you have and only together as that is probably best for everyone since emotional ties are cut and you two are totally exclusive. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 If both your partners are OK with it (and have thought about all the possible consequences including you two falling for each other and leaving them high and dry) then what's keeping you? I must admit my advise might be biased because my current S.O. similarly enjoys seeing me with other people.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 October 2010):
 Well, my advice on the FWB still stands, someone be it you or him will develop feelings..especially if there is something there in the first place, as far as chemistry goes. It's interesting that both of your significant others will permit this. In fact, he's married..I see her wanting a divorce eventually. I just don't see how you can keep it sexual with one and have a relationship with the other. That would get exhausting. I say be careful, just a friendly warning.
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A
female
reader, passionately pursuing +, writes (24 October 2010):
passionately pursuing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, maybe in love isnt the right way to say that. Except i do love him, we have been super great friends for almost half of our lives. He has been the object of my fantasies since the day i met him, but i have never thought about being married to or even living with him, only f**king his brains out.
He is extremely well known in our area. My S.O. is ok with it because he has idolized this man for longer than i have, i think he wants to be able to say that they both have the same girl. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to watch. We still have sex, just not nearly enough for me, he has too many other things he has to do to stay home & do me all the time.
His wife is cool with it because she doesnt want to have sex at all, in fact he said that she told him to call me the night she moved him into his own bedroom.
I just want this guy so bad i can taste it...no pun intended. I'm actually more afraid that he'll get too attached than that i will.
I just dont know what to do.
BTW, thank you for the quick responses!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 October 2010):
Yes, not only would you be cheating..to your now not so committed relationship. But in your first line you said you have been in love with this man for 20 years. FWB = sex only. Not love. You can never have a FWB with this man due to the fact you're still in love with him..FWB has no feelings involved, I doubt you can shut off your feelings for him now, since they have been present the last 20 years. Basically, this no strings attached set up would screw with your emotions. Most women just aren't cut out for FWB, due to the fact we develop feelings which aren't reciprocated. Not to mention, what if your current relationships found out?
Instead of cheating, why don't you fix the sexual part of your relationship with your boyfriend, find out what is lacking in the bedroom...No relationship is perfect, fix the problem, don't look outside of your relationship for the solution when it's right in front of you...If you proceed with this FWB, you will be trying to keep this a secret, like you're living another life. Also, if you cut off sex with your boyfriend, he'll know something is going on, and the gig will be up. Don't cheat, and get involved in this FWB, you will be in it so deep, you won't be able to get out of it..
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 well you could do it, theres nothing stopping you....or is there.
would it be worth it?.
what have you got to loose?.
what happens when you get found out?.
what happens if the sex isnt as great as you thought.
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