A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband doesn't like my female friend. I have been friends with her for 14 years and I know her family well. Over the last year she had been really going down hill, drinking, drugs, promiscuity, irratic behavior, lieing, using people, not taking care of her kid, starving herself, etc. Everyone (incl. me) stopped talking to her because of it. She contacted me and told me that she really wants to get her GED so she can get into college, and she's stopped doing a lot of those bad things. She and I went to church together last Sunday and we both really enjoyed it. We both have young kids, so we also wanted them to go and play in the nursery with the other kids. My husband is mad at me now for talking to her, and for going to church with her. I told him he can go, and he said that he knows we don;t want him to, that it's our "thing" I did ask him a while back if he'd go to church w/ me and he said he didn't want to. I've been wanting to go, so when my friend asked me I was happy to go with her. I really want her to do better for herself. My husband liked her too before she started acting the way she was for the last year or so. She's a single mom and I think she just spun out of control b/c she is lonely and depressed and she has no money or anything. I don't think it's wrong for me to be there for her as long as she's trying to better herself. My husband thinks that she's just going to drag me down with her, and I'm pregnant, due next month, and I have a 10 month old baby, there's NO way I am going to act like that I tell him. It has been causing us to argue a lot. I want to keep going to church with her, and taking the kids. It;s fun, and it's a way to get out of the house, meet people, and be in a positive environment and to worship The Lord. I just don't want him being mad at me. Am I wrong to keep going to church with her? We have not hung out together other than church.
View related questions:
depressed, drugs, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Hi rcn,
This is for you. you must have misuderstood my post.
I never said she shouldnt meet her friend in the church, it is clearly not implied in any way in my posting. If you read my post carefully you will see that whilst i think church is an ideal place sometimes you need the extra help from professionals who can give that. Drugs clinics or rehab are available.
Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Our friends lives can change immensely during the period of time with which we are friends with them. Sometimes the change can cause a rift which is difficult to bridge and we find there is nothing in common any more - no connection. I sense that you still have a connection with this friend and that potentially she may change her lifestyle on day in the future. Seeing her in the sanctuary of a church is ideal as you are not compromising yourself and your own lifestyle to maintain your friendship. It is a time for strict boundaries which do not disrespect your husband - your primary relationship - and you can reassure your husband that on no account will you be influenced by her behaviour or encouraged to join in. I think this is all he wants to hear from you and I think he is just concerned for your safety.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I'll have to disagree with the other poster. How many drugs are served at church? What about people having sex on the floor? I think church is a safe place to join your friend. It's not like you're going clubbing with her. You say he doesn't want her to bring you down. If you're sure that wouldn't happen, why doesn't your husband trust that, or is it that he doesn't know you well enough to trust that you have the strength to not let that happen.
What I do agree with the other poster is what her mom said, and what that phrase means. You shouldn't knowingly put yourself in a position that can jeprodise your marriage. That's like going out partying, hanging out with men who think with the wrong brain, going to your friends home knowing she sits there smoking dope. It doesn't mean joining a friend who's working hard to get back on track to church. You enjoy going to church and your relationship with God is personal. It doesn't matter if he goes with you or not, if that's what you want to do, don't let anyone stop you from building your faith and relationship with God.
Because of your friends behaviors, all though she's changing them, I'd recommend her seek counseling through the church, or outside with a psychologist. In order to change and stop certain behaviors the cause needs changed. Sometimes the only way to really dig to find out exactly what's causing these behaviors is to see a therapist.
Take care, and best wishes. I hope your friend continues on her path of healing and has a chance to do better for herself and her child.
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (13 February 2008):
Hi,It is clear why your husband is concerned. I know deep down you understand he worries about you and he obviously have lost his trust for her.I do agree with you and i dont feel you should abandon her right now because i couldnt do that to any of my friend especially one that has been in your life that long.What you need to do is get her the support and help to deal with her problems. Dont get personally involved in her situation or put yourself in a position when where you become directly affected by it. Instead guide her, point her to the right directions, get family members to step in and help her.Explain to your husband how important it is for you to go to church if you really want to. Invite him to go with you sometimes. Is she clean now? Free from drugs? Has her faith be able to help her? If not going to church with her might not be the answer. She might need more help in addition to that.One advise my mother always says is that you shouldnt jeopadise your marriage or relationship because of anyone. You can still be there for her and also make things work at home. Kelly
...............................
|
