A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Ive been with my bf for 7 months now and things have been great. He lives a bit of a distance which makes dropping by not possible but get together weekends. These are blissful even tho we dont do much just enjoy each other's company. We do call each other every day and text and he occasionally buys flowers/ chocs and says lovely things to me all the time. We also have a great sx life and laugh a lot together. He also makes plans for future things and has joked about living together- altho not recently. Problem is he hasnt said ' I love you' and didnt say it back to me when i said it to him recently- which was a bit hurtful. Instead he said he missed me in the week and that i was beautiful. I didnt push it and left it there. I had thought we were feeling the same way, so am unsure now where I stand. What I really need to know is whether i should ask him how he feels, or will this corner him, and if he doesnt feel it yet, will he ever? and should I move on. We're both late 30's and divorced- I have kids he doesnt. Any advice?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Hi there,
I remember a Seinfeld episode where this happens - it didnt go well there either!. It is a big one to hang out there and must have made you feel lousy afterwards.
But try and look at it on the plus side. It is only a word, o.k its a biggy I admit , but it is still just a word that he didnt send back at you. And it is not really about the word is it? it's about full time commitment and sharing your future together and not just on weekends. You are both on the road back from marriage breakdowns and 7 months really is still only the beginnings of a relationship especially if you only see each other at the weekends. Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong in expressing your emotions to him in this way, but I can see how it would be hard to reciprocate at an early stage like this. If the big L comes out then the relationship moves from funtime weekends with great company and great sex , to full time commitment, help with raising your children, shared responsibilities ,moving house etc... for a guy this is the first thing we will often think about, so some of us need a little time to adjust.
I would still say hold off on asking him how he feels, I can see no point in forcing it, you might get an "of course I love you" but you might also get "I think we should back off each other for a while". So in my opinion you might get him to say he loves you but he might also decide there is too much pressure. It's an uneven risk/reward scenario for me.
Why don't you just enjoy each other's company like you do now, but at least wait until a year has passed before broaching the subject, you have a right to know I just think it is a little early to force the issue - and let's face it his reaction has proven from his point of view it is.
good luck anyway.
A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Hiya,
If i was in your shoes i think i would ask him how he feels. I think it does matter to you and is your mind which is undestandable because seven months is quite some time to develop really strong feelings/ bonds with him and also him with your kids.
I think he does have some feelings for you,it seems that way for what i can see in your email. The question is how deep is the feelings and how much he wished to express it now. Is he ready to get deep commitment again after the divorce? some people rather not. They wish to wait, take their time in relationship or never get married again.All this answers u can only get by talking to him intimately and making him open up and express himself to you.
You can now balance what he offers with what u need, then decide.
Lots of luck. kelly
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