A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently married to 2nd wife, who had her tubes cut and burnt a few years back due to the relationship she was in. I do have one son from divorce, and she has one from her ex-boyfriend, who is not involved at all in his life. After a couple of years went by, I really want a child with her. She is willing to try (we both are in our mid 30's) reconnective surgery to have our child. Is it wrong for me to be upset with her for "what I call" a bad decision to a quick fix from her failed past relationship? I am angry right now because I feel like I have to pay for her past mistake emotionally, and financially. I understood the circumstances before I said my vows, but over time and with age, needs/wants do change. Any comments?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 You're probably angry with yourself. You sound a little controlling to me. You might not like what she did in the past but it is none of your business. You knew all this when you married her. It is her body and she made a choice, live with it. It does sound like an odd way to make a stand against someone but that's what she did. Don't talk about money etc either.
A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 Dear Anon,You mustn't be upset with "what you call" a bad decision to a quick fix. If anything you should feel honoured that she's willing to go through having the procedure reversed. By doing this, she's only proving to you how much she cares and is willing to make you AND her happy.When a woman has decided on surgery like a tubal ligation, she obviously has a very good reason why she had it done. It's not something you decide on as a spare of the moment thing...she would have had a perfectly good reason for it, and was more than likely given good advice before going ahead with it.I can't understand, why should you be angry? Why are you feeling like you have to pay for her past mistake emotionally, and financially?My guess is that neither of you knew you would meet someone after your failed marriages or even want to start a family all over again, nobody knows these things ~ 'til they happen.So get a grip on yourself, accept the fact that she's willing do all this for you both and just be happy. I hope all goes well, and from me ~ I wish you both the very best of luck.BigSisxXx
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