A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:Is it wrong for me to ask my new husband for a new bed because I do not want to sleep in our current bed because his live in girlfriend slept there? Every time I think about it makes me angry and would like a new start even with our things. I'm not materialistic but some things like a bed for me should be new for both of us. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): If you want a new bed then it's up to you to buy one I think. You are attaching too much to this, and as other posters say, what about othe things in the house? Will yo change those too? I don't think there is much symbolism about a bed personally, although others do. Anyway, yes, if you want a new bed then I think it's up to you to pay.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 A new bed, because his ex slept in the same bed that you are now? Hmmm. What about a new bathroom suite? She bathed in there you know. What about a new carpet? Her feet might have touched the present one. And as for her ass on the settee .......
I feel that your issue is not with the bed, but with your own imagination as to what they did in the bed. Instead of stressing about the past, try concentrating on making your own memories.
I think it is unreasonable in this day and age to expect that most guys have not had a number of girls in their bed prior to marriage. If you cant deal with what he did in the past, thats your problem, not his. I'm sure he has consigned his ex to history, and you need to let her go too.
It won't end with the bed will it? There's his car, the stairs, and everywhere else that you allow your imaginative mind to run to. What about any clothes she might have bought him? Burn them? Hell, why not just make him move house, you should feel better instantly!
Even if you have a new bed, your imagination will find something else to latch onto, unless you learn to accept that your husband had a sex life in the past. Accept it. Then forget it, because he didnt marry her, did he?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Great replies. I wouldn't tell hubby about the ex or at least wouldn't insist about it. This, if you think you can find the strength within to see that, yes, your feelings are normal but it doesn't mean you can't try to raise above those which don't do you much good and are rather petty and become more secure.
Maybe the poor are indeed happier people as they say? If you had no means to buy another bed, you would have no choice but to work on your insecurity. If you buy another bed, you might still feel bad to think about other objects she touched.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Gift him a new romantic bed for Valentine's day.Throw in pillows,comforters and sheets too.Look into his eyes and say,"Let's start making new memories,starting now".Move the old bed to the guest room.Most of the guys would think of this issue as insecurity.Though I do understand it from a woman's point of view.Try not to show your feelings in an aggressive way.Please do keep us updated. ~Mrs.Anon
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Its not unreasonable to want a new bed. q1605 scored a bullsye! A good analogy would be you, in jewellery from another man. He probably wouldnt like that any more than you like the thought of sleeping in another womans bed. If you were just dating and staying over once in a while it might be something you had to learn to deal with. But you are his wife and hopefully will be sleeping beside him for many years. So if it makes you happy and stops you having unhelpful thoughts, while lying in a bed he shared with another woman....yes ive been there in a 2nd generation bed, horrible isnt it...then a fresh bed seems a nice idea.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Explain how you feel to your husband, he might not even have thought of that. Personally I would refuse to have slept in a bed his ex GF slept in, most cause I have met the ho-bag.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Your question makes me think you are soooo insecure that once you replace the bed, somthing else will start to bother you. I bet she also sat on the pot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I know how you feel. I've had the same thoughts. My now ex boyfriend shared with me that he lost his virginity to his ex on his bed, the same bed we were laying in whenever I slept over. It bugged me. I didn't tell him because, well, it really is silly, I mean it's just a bed. But I told him how nice the room would be if he redecorated it! And sure enough he followed up on my advice and redecorated his room, moved the bed and desk and closet around. Same bed, but at least it was in a new position, and I knew his ex hadn't ever seen his room from THIS viewpoint haha! What it meant to me was that I no longer could picture him and her in that bed, because the entire room now looked different.Change is good. If you do tell your husband, be aware that he might find it odd, also maybe he can't afford a new bed? Or just go bed shopping and say you wanted a new bed out of your own comfort.PS. I ended up buying a new bed myself when I started dating my current boyfriend. The old one was bad for my back and thats mainly why I needed a new bed, but it really is refreshing to have a "clean" bed for me and my boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 You can ask for another bed, but if it's really bothering you, perhaps you could buy it. If it's in decent shape, put the old one in another bedroom, sell it on Craigslist or give it to some needy person who needs a bed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): If he has a high quality bed that is relatively new, then forget about it. If the bed is uncomfortable then get a new one. My wife slept in my bed, where other women had slept and I slept in her bed, where other guys had slept with her. We didn't even get new sheets until they were needed. In my opinion, it is a bit silly to require a new bed just because someone else slept there if it is a quality and comfortable bed. My wife just rolled her eyes when I read this question and asked for her opinion. Perhaps we are unusual, but we just don't see the problem and didn't when we first dated or when she moved in with me before we got married.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Hi there - I don't think that you're wrong for feeling that way, but I don't think this is anything to boycott sleep over. I felt that way too, with my fella - and I slept in the sheets and blankets that all of his former ladies had enjoyed for years. Yes, it felt a little weird/icky when I actively thought about it, but I didn't think about it very often. When he surprised me with new sheets and comforters, it was the greatest!! I had earned them.
Don't get angry over it, but why not talk about it with your fella? I wouldn't approach this in an aggressive and angry way - but a fun and sexy way. You can create new, hot memories together in a brand new bed! And, not to mention, getting a really great bed will make you both happier - I'm convinced that the better quality sleep you get, the happier you are in the morning.
So relax. He married you, not the live-in girlfriend, so this is nothing to rage over or get stressed out about. But, a new bed is something that seems worthwhile, so bring it up and see if that's an expense you can make happen.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Pineknot +, writes (3 February 2010):
I agree with you...tell him how you feel. He should understand...and if he's not willing to consider your feelings you've got a problem I'm afraid.
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