A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my ex broke up with me just over two months ago and things have gotten worse since. It was messy and it ended badly with him hammering home the point that he didn't care about me. He said a load of other stuff that I'm not going to bore you with, but it was quite harsh (I'm not sure he realised this seeing as he doesn't generally have great social skills) and some things which he just had no right to say.We have loads of mutual friends and work closely enough- I see him maybe once or twice every week or two and then he comes out with everyone if he's around for that. When things ended he said we shouldn't talk in front of people for a while (he doesn't want to be judged on who he sleeps with- according to him he was like this with exes, according to our friends, that's a lie). This makes me even more uncomfortable. I get very distressed and throw up every time I see him. It's a problem (work-wise) if I can't participate in things when he's there. Sometimes he says hello, but most of the time he doesn't look at me, he doesn't talk to me, he closes the door behind him even when I'm only a foot behind him when we're both leaving- I'm basically treated like I'm invisible. I find this very upsetting and amn't really sure how to deal with it. If we're out with friends I can't handle it after a while and tend to go home quite early.I'm keeping a good face on and trying to not let him know it's bothering me and trying to act happy, but it's very difficult.I'd love to go for coffee with him and just talk casually just so that I know things can, or at least could be okay, even if it's just a good work relationship. With something like this, is it worth bringing it up? Would I lose pride over it? He gets offended easily so I'd be wary of doing it. Would it be better coming from someone he's good friends with, someone he respects, and is it too much to ask someone to talk to him for me if that is the best option here?I just want to do something that would be a positive step forward for me, for our friends and for the work we do.
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female
reader, Siteme  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Yes, walk away.... When he walks away when you talk to the friends, let him, you are not in control of his behavior, but you are in control of your own. Once he see's there is not reaction to his action, he will stop being a dick head. As far as dealing with working with him, just do it until you can wash your hands of the whole situation. You seem to be making much more of this than he is. So take a lesson from him. Just be a dick head right back by not giving it the time of day. The best revenge is being happy with yourself and someone else.
A
female
reader, Siteme +, writes (9 June 2012):
Well to be truthful with you, I would move on quickly.... DO NOT, try to be friends with him, don't try to be enemies with him. Just don't be anything with him. If he isn't a dick, he will just let things be. If getting another job will help, then do it. DO NOT inform him of getting another job, just do it and go. If the friends were friends of yours as well, then if they are good friends they will still be your friends, if not they were not worth having. Just let it go. MOVE ON. What ever the reason, anyone that say insulting things in a bad manner to break up isn't worth the time of day for you. You have to be the bigger person and just act as though it never happened, you don't care about him and if you do this it will finally change your pain and hurt over it and just in case after you get over him and he notices and wants you back....RUN DO NOT WALK AWAY, because it is a game and you don't need that in your life. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): So I should just let it go?
I've been working on moving my life on and forgetting about him for two months.
But I'm just supposed to put up with this behavior?
Every time we're out I'm just supposed to put up with how he'll walk away from people if I seem to want to talk to them. I'm supposed to work alongside him and with him for some things while he pretends I'm not there.
I need to be able to be in the same room as him without having to cry for ages when I go home.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (9 June 2012):
 to save you the pain, just walk away and let him go. unless you two fix the problem, trouble will always come up. give it time and space.
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