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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi there I am a mum of two children, aged 24. I recently broke up with my childhood sweetheart (father of kids) almost a year ago (He cheated). Although we had a reconcilliation in August which didnt last long!. I would like to start dating again but dont know if I have healed enough to move forward. He was my first everything and I still think about him constantly alhough I am adamant that I do not want to get back with him. He cheated on me. He is with someone now and seems happy. I Just feel like I want to start the dating thing and would like companionship and I am also missing male company physically and sexually but I am not one to sleep around. I dont know where to go to meet someone. Im not into dating sites and I cant meet anyone at work as my job is fundamentaly female. People say you shouldnt move on until you are over your ex. I am not over him but have had closure, I forgive him and I have accepted that we will not be together. I do have dreams of sleeping with him but only because I have ONLY EVER slept with him. To be honest I think I am sexually frustrated. Do you think I am ready to start dating again? and is there any men out there who have had a succesful relationships with single mum of two kids?
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at work, broke up, cheated on me, move on, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 Ask for Eddie's help, too.
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (6 January 2008):
One more comment. You posted your question on a weekend. Try to post it again now, so people get to see in on Monday. You will get more points of view from other people. Also, perhaps you can contact other agony aunts and uncles. I would recommend that you contact Irish49, Baby Duck, eyeswideopen, Frank Kermit and SamuraiRick. There are other great agony aunts and uncles as well, but this bunch have the advantage of being old enough to give you advice.
Take care, poster.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (6 January 2008):
Poster, just don't give up. You sound like a very good woman. I'm sure someone will notice that. As to your having baggage, well, it all depends on the point of view. Your suitcases can be filled with lead bars, or golden bars. You choose.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your advice. I would particularly like to thank daniel for the detailed advice that he gave. It was straight to the point and I guess it is want I needed to hear. I am young but at the same time I am not young and single and will need to look at things differently. I feel a little saddened by this at the fact that I cant have a meaningful relationship with guys my own age as they wouldnt want to date girls with children. I am not fully over my ex because after reading the reply I have started to think what if we could just try to make it work. (We cant though). I have never really thought that I would have to date guys 10/20 years older than myself but it has got me thinking. I feel like I have so much baggage and it is true what you say about my choices being limited. I am not looking but hope that someone great does find me. Thanks again to all of you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (6 January 2008):
To answer your question, I believe that yes, there are men out there who could have a successful relationship with you. However, I think some remarks are in order.
First, you need to be very sure you're over your ex. First, out of principle: because you always need to know where you stand and why you do this or that. But, also, because you need to offer a clean deal to the man who comes your way. If I look at you from a very cold male perspective, if I were to get involved with a woman who has a strong tie (that is, two children) with another man, I would very much want to be damned sure that he is history in all senses but being the father of the kids. If you need to know this when the girl doesn't have any children, imagine how necessary it is if the girl has children.
Second, let's see the same thing, but from another angle. you need to have your situation with your ex resolved. By this I mean, your relationship with him, which will continue for as long as your kids are alive, needs to be that of two exes, and that only. He can't be your best friend, or your support, and he can't have the slightest hope of winning you back. Because, if this is not the case, he might have ideas, and be the killjoy with the new man you meet. It's very bad to have an ex around all the time, but it's even worse if he thinks he has some "territory" to claim.
Third, you need to be independent, in every sense. You have very evident weaknesses, which you have wonderfully summarized: you're young, you need affection and sex, you need support (maybe economic support), and you need someone who will get along well with your kids and yourself. Someone might think that he might get lucky and make you believe you've found Prince Charming, only for you to find that you've been kissing a frog. Because you're weak now, you need to be strong. I wonder if this makes sense to you, but I hope you understand what I mean. You need to be independent; this way, no man who comes your way will do it thinking that he can give little to earn a lot.
Fourth, before you make any decision about living together, this man needs to get along extremely well with the kids. Only then can you talk about living together. Don't make the terrible mistake of letting him in in the hope that time will straighten things.
Many men won't want to be with you, young or not. It doesn't sound good, but I think we will all agree that not many men want the responsibility of two kids. Your choices are limited.
If the man who comes your way has no children of his own, your prospects with him are not as good. Because a man without children will want to have them, and perhaps you don't want any more children. If he has children of his own, maybe he won't want any other and he will be happy with you just as you are. In this case, just as he needs to get along with your kids, YOU need to get along with his children.
I've never been to Britain, so I can only give a general advice in this particular regard, but, you won't find a man who is good for you if you go to bars or pubs. Young men and women go there to have fun. If you want a man who will fit you, maybe the supermarket is a better idea. I'm exaggerating, but I hope you get the point: you need a man who is willing to stay at home, not a childless 27 year old who is still living his wild years. I think your man will be older than you, but, a gap of up to ten years seems the top you can go. You will find lots of men, twenty years your seniors, who will be willing to take you and your kids, because they want a young girl by their side. But, such men would be 64 when you become 44, and then you will have a different sort of problems.
I hope other agony aunts and uncles can give you more advice. But I think this are good starting points.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): There is no reason that I can think of that you should not begin seeking male companionship again. He has apparently moved on, and you should as well. It will very likely make you happy again, if you select someone who is nice and compatible with you, and happiness is one of the most important things in life. Just don't get involved with someone who is mean, self-serving and selfish, married or just seeking additional sex, or . . . well, you know what I mean.
There are available men everywhere who will love you and be nice to your children as well.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 If you think you are ready , you are ready.Let the past be bygones and live for today, look forward and don't look back.
Enjoy each day as a single mom for someday you may find another man in your life.
Pray to God and keep your hopes and beliefs.
Good luck!
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