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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 19. We've been together for 3 years.(He's a year older, so I skipped my senior year of HS, graduated a year early, just so we could go away to college together.) As far as our future goes, we've always had a reasonably set, yet flexible, plan.However, a week ago, completely out of the blue, he told me that he wants to leave for the Marine Corps Recruitment Training camp in 2011. And to be perfectly honest, I'm pissed. Honestly, he's never once, in all the time that I've known him ever mentioned even the slightest desire to join the armed services and here he is with the date that he intends on leaving and it just doesn't sit well with me.I mean, we had a plan and the Marines were never a part of it. I told him that I was upset about it when he asked me what I thought about it and he says that I have to right or reason to be upset. I know I'm not his wife or anything but I still feel like this was something he should have talked to me about before he made the actual decision. Or at least let me know he was thinking about it. I feel like he was inconsiderate of me and my feelings.He thinks I'm being selfish and dramatic. Is it reasonable for me to be upset that he's planning on leaving in less than a year and I'm just hearing about it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): I don't think it's reasonable at all. Whatever he chooses to tell you is explicitly at his own pace, and you should simply learn to deal with it. It's his life, after all, and you have no right trying to dictate what he does because it doesn't fit your 'plan'.
Did you ever think that the reason why he is telling you now is because he just made the decision? Being in the military myself, I know that one day I simply went to a recruiter's office and signed myself up - ultimately getting shipped off a few months later to start my training. That's pretty much how it works. If he says he has got a couple of months before he leaves, then chances are that he just signed up and told you as soon as he did.
The military is a great thing for some people, but it makes relationships difficult - especially if they're at great distances. But, depending on what job he chooses, that doesn't mean he'll be deployed every second of his military career. You could move to the same state, and he could possibly stay in the same state and you two could still maintain a relationship.
It's simply irrational to believe that any plan set in high school will ultimately carry over through the years afterward. People change quickly when subjected to the real world. I don't mean to sound rude, but that's simply how it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): My ex did that to me, and we were close, but never really that great. But we were together close to 3 years too. He turned into a complete bastard, accusing, violent, abusive, angry, even more childish, completely unacceptable. I broke up with him after a couple of months. I'm very against anything to do with military, war, etc, as it it, but it really tainted my view and did NOT change him for the better. Don't put your life on hold for him. Sometimes, granted, it may work. But as you can see in your own relationship, it's already causing trouble. Be on your guard and be prepared to make some choices.
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 You have every right to be upset. Some people, and I am one of them, would not want military involved in any family I would be having. Plus this is becoming a long distance relationship, it's not like this is an eight month thing then he'll be back.
Personally I wouldn't stay with him. My gf once said to me that she would leave me if I ever joined the army and I really see why now. It's not that you want to leave him but if this isn't the life you want then he already made the choice for you.
I'm sorry to hear that this has happened and I hope that something works out for you.
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