A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner left after seventeen years togther. She found a new boyfriend within a few days. She handled the breakup poorly telling me over the phone. I turned up at her workplace to she if we could sort things out but was only to find her new partner turning up to pick her up in her car. She wasnt very remorsefull.I am not sure she cheated but I strongly suspect she did. I have confrontd her friend but she was not very forthcoming. I am still hurting occasionally but not as much intially I just cant understand how cant be hurting. All I can think is that she is to weak and scared to contact me. She did try to contact me two weeks after the split but I was just to upset to talk to her. My counsellor has adviced me not to contact or rekindle the relationship since I would only end up getting hurt again. I have learnt the massive disadvantges of jumping from one relationship to another and have stay clear of this. What comes around goes around, thats what I have been told. Is this true? I still feel worthless and unattrative. Any advice how to get over this phase?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): I truely hope so. My Fiance broke up with me over some silly things. We were going to be married and had bought our house. I tried to reconcile things but he just didnt want to know. He kept telling me that he loved me etc etc, and then a few weeks later I found out that he was with another women. When I confronted him he showed no remorse and instead was abusive. Now I am left thinking why? What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? I have come to realise my only fault was loving him like mad and being 100% commited to him. I still find it hard to deal with the broken dreams and just cant trust men anymore but I am hoping someday I will belive in love again and trust that there are genuine individuals out there. I dont want to hate him but I do hope sometimes he goes through what he has put me through so that he can understand what pain, anguise and a broken heart feels like. But I guess you never know. But I completely understand what you are going through. Best of luck. that could have be
A
male
reader, NuVu  +, writes (30 July 2007):
Is it true that what comes around goes around? I don't believe there has been any scientific studies on that yet... it doesn't seem to me that its true... it just sometimes makes us temporarily feel better to think it does. It doesn't really matter though... in the end you need to forgive her for treating you badly. It weighs you down to carry around such negitive thoughts.Ahh... its pretty easy to feel worthless and unatractive after something like that. But hey, your girlfriend did date you right? So she must have seen some great things in you to have gone out with you in the first place, right? I'm sure other people have found you to be attractive and pretty cool before too.... hell i'm sure you've got a lot going on for you, but your just in a funky mood. So how to get out of that mood? My recipe is good music, cleaning and uncluttering, and do some running and lifting weights. When you start respecting your body and your surrounding environment, it helps to clear your mind.Oh btw: don't let hold onto a negitive thought. Get rid of it quickly and only think about things that make you happy, excite you or move you closer to a goal. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I think if thats what you want to believe, then thats all that matters, but i do generally find that people that usually cheat end up getting their comuppence at some point in their lives.
Take care.x.x
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I can't really put any validity to that old saying but I can say that you will eventually find self-worth again, it just takes time. 17 years is a long time to be with someone who had apparently checked out of the marriage (emotionally) years ago. Perhaps you just failed to see the signs. I also suspect she was indeed cheating, thus the calloused way she's handling your break up and the magical way she suddenly found a new b/f. Your counselor was correct to advise you not to contact her anymore. It's time to let her go and move on with your life. It's too bad that you guys couldn't have worked on your marriage before it got to this point, but you would've both needed to "want" it to work out, and clearly she was not interested in that. Start putting your life back together by removing things from around the house or apartment that remind you of her, or make you extremely sad. Join a book club, take up a hobby or start attending some classes so you will have something to take your mind off the break up. You will make new friends doing these things, and eventually when you're ready you will meet someone that interests you again romantically. What you can learn from this ordeal is how to pay attention to the signs that something is wrong in a relationship, before it spirals out of control. There are always signs. That's when you need to sit up and take notice, and see if something can be done to improve things before it's too late. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Sorry to hear that.I guess your counsellor is right. And i think it does sound like she took the chickens way out and failed on purpose to not mention that she had met someone else. Probably protecting your feelings.I dont think its wise to jump from relationship to relationship quickly. Unless people are really young of course. Its a different ball game then.You are the lucky one, you're doing it right and one day it will all be a distant nightmare and you will be ready to meet someone and be happy again.I know what you mean, its heartbreaking when you love someone and it ends.But the old cliche is right, it does get better in time.C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 What comes around does not necessarily come around. What you need to do is get over this.
Maybe she didn't cheat with you in the sense that she didn't sleep with this man. But, either she didn't tell you what was going on, or you failed to take the hints. She didn't lose interest and found someone else in a second, you know; it must have taken her long. If you failed to take the hints, she should have told you she was leaving you, up front, before she found someone else.
My take is, you don't have any choices but to let time heal your wounds. Think of it this way: the sun will shine tomorrow.
Good for you you don't do rebounds. This is so wrong for the other person involved.
Be bold and you'll get over this.
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