A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My b/f and I have both gained about 25 pounds since becoming involved with each other 4 years ago. (What can I say, we both love to cook, eat and drink). But I've decided enough is enough and started watching my calories and making time to work out after work. My b/f seems to be supportive, yet he doesn't join in and he frequently tempts me with fattening treats so I'm not making any progress. Also, he's made several comments about liking my body with the additional padding, he says I'm much sexier when I'm not as thin. Is this possibly true that men like women with a few more curves? I have to admit, my boobs have gotten bigger(36D) but so has my butt and I absolutely hate my butt. I am 5'4 and when we first met I weighed 128 lbs. now I am pushing 150!!! My goal is to weigh about 135 but I know my boobs may get smaller and I'm worried that he'll lose interest in my sexually. I know I'm not horrbly fat, but fatter than I'd like to be and I can't get used to the extra curves. I do eat healthy and I work out 4 days a week, I'm just not losing weight like I thought I would. I am torn in this conflict. He loves my body, I hate it. On the other hand, if I lose the extra weight I may love my body, but he won't. What a dilemma!! What's a girl to do????
View related questions:
boobs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 The other aunts and uncles make a good point when they say that this guy may have ulterior motives. I'm not sure if he does, but I can tell that you feel bad about yourself, and there's something you can do about it that would make you happier. If you love someone, you want them to be happy... I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but I am saying that he should be supportive if you want to lose weight.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): from experience men tend to prefer women with curves than skin and bones.
...............................
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 Firstly, the answer to your question is a yes, with conditions.
Men like curvy bodies like a Beyonce, J-Lo, or Shakira. Those girls are not fat at all, just really curvy. They have hourglass type figures. Men want curvy figures, but don't want to see rolls of fat around the hips or stomach area. That is tough to achieve and maintain, if you don't already have the right body shape. So try not to confuse curvy with overweight.
The BMI is a completely useless method of trying to ascertain weight status. It does not take body frame, or muscle mass into consideration at all.
For example, I am 6'2", and 232. I used to play linebacker many years ago, and have tried to keep in shape. When I played I was 251, which according to the BMI made me totally obese. My friends who played in the NFL at LB, corner, running back or wide receiever often had similar statures. Although we were fit enough to excel at football, and even play NFL, I guess we were all obese!
If your boyfriend says he is happy with your figure, then take it that he is. However, if you feel unhappy, then you should continue to work towards your 'ideal', with or without his help and support. It is your body, not his.
The most interesting aspect of this question is that many female answers suggest that your boyfriend has some hidden agenda. He wants you to put weight on, so that no-one else will look at you, and he can look at other girls.
!!!!
The only people who REALLY criticise women and their weight are OTHER WOMEN. Young females are under so much pressure to be 'perfect' these days. Most of it comes from magazines, Hollywood, fashion, and the beauty industry. Women seem to be their own worst enemies at times, but you should try to find a measure of happiness. You sound perfect to me .....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Yeah, Sugar Bear is on it again, you KNOW for a fact that he is looking at thin girls everywhere and thinking they are HOOOOOTTTTTT, because all men are shallow, especially the 15 men she has lived with and her husband of 8 long years.
Here is my PRACTICAL advice. Stop obsessing about what your husband/boyfriend is going to think of your body if you loose weight, talk to him about it and enlist his help in a diet and excercise plan.
AT your height and weight you are pushing being overweight, maybe not officially obese but overweight.
To me it is so sad that people of today's generation are obsessed with unrealistic images of the perfect body for women because you will never obtain that perfection, there is always going to be some woman, thinner, richer, younger, boobier, prettier than you are....so if you base your self image and self worth on shallow things like that, you will never be psychologically healthy or feel that you are valuable and lovable.
The ONLY reason that you should consider losing weight is for health is because if you don't it can cause all kinds of health problems which will come about with your advancing years that could have been avoided if you had stayed or kept a "healthy" weight. What you need to determine is your BMI, your body mass indes which is a measure of your muscle mass to fat ratio.
If you are physically fit, muscle burns more calories than fat in your sleep let alone when you are active. Google BMI calculator to determine yours.
Just some of the health issues for women that are "overweight" are type 2 diabetes, breast cancer, heart disease, joint problems, prolapsed uterus, prolapsed bladder, some cancers are caused by obesity, and the list goes on.
Loose the weight, get healthy because you want to live longer and a better quality of life. Your husband will be glad that you cared enough to be "around' for him, he will care less about the size of your boobs, unless he is a moron.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 My last girl was 150 at 5'1" and I still thought she was beautiful, even with her A cups. I was more concerned about seeing her happy and eating and having fun than concerned about her weight. But in your case, you're three inches taller and a lot more of your weight is up top. I can't imagine you're too heavy!
Like everyone else is saying, his idea of an ideal body size is going to be different than mine or anyone else's. I can't say what he finds sexiest, but if he finds you attractive now, and he's still interested in you, and he still calls you beautiful... believe him.
(Also note: I'm 6'2" and was 245 when my ex fell for me. I held that weight for two years and she loved me. I dropped to 215 in our third year and she lost interest. I look better to most people, but she disagreed.)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009):
Could he like more curves? Definitely depending on how you carry it. If it goes to boobs and butt that is good.
Here is the deal on the rest of it: what is the main role of the Man? To be the Provider of food and safety. Diets are about deprivation and quiet suffering. What kind of provider would be be if his girl was wasting away?
Here is a suggestion- pick a diet that is super specific. Like Low Carb. Then he knows that no amount of tub frosting or garlic bread is ok to bring home but he does know pork chops or bacon are ok.
Or you can set him on a specific thing like figs or pomegranate. Those are specific that he will feel accomplishment in bring them home to you, but they will be ok for you to eat.
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (29 October 2009):
Why don't you find a sport you both like and participate together?
:)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 October 2009):
 He hasn't actually said he hated your body 20 lbs lighter has he? If he didn't like it then, he wouldn't have started the relationship with you. It may be that you are showing a great deal of distress at being heavier and he's trying to tell you that he likes you just as you are, and his way of doing it is to tell you he likes you with the extra weight.
I would think he would find lovemaking with a woman who is self-conscious and unhappy with her body less enjoyable than being with one who is happy with her body. I'd bet the difference would show in your levels of comfort and inhibition.
I think you should go for the weight you want to be, but in a healthy way. Weight training will give you great tone and wonderful curves, and the firmer pecs will compensate for the loss of fat on the breasts. I think you should discuss your weight with your doctor too and find out what recommendation she or he would have for you. Excess weight can lead to other problems, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, all things that over time can cause damage in your body.
Another reason to reach your ideal weight is that as you age, it is much tougher to take the weight off. If you're like lots of us, the weight creeps on, a 2 lb weight gain per year, in 10 years, there's your 20 lbs. You do not want to try to take that weight off when you're older; it gets harder, trust me on that one.
I love cooking, good food and wine too, so it was really easy to put the weight on. Portion control (or lack thereof) was a big culprit. My husband would often be the one to put the food on the plates and he would divvy it up equally. Well, first off, he's a male, second, he's 6 inches taller than I am! So I'm eating the same amount as he does, guess what, I wind up weighing the same.
I finally decided that I needed to drop the weight to, and take better care of myself. But I had to decouple the process from my husband, as he was not as motivated as I was to lose it. I had to do my own food intake monitoring as I had to find my own workouts.
It's okay to leave food on your plate. It's okay to taste things without eating an entire plate of it. Give yourself permission to eat what you know is the right amount.
I think he'll still love your body. And if you lose it slowly, he probably won't notice the change as it'll be incremental.
Do what you know is the best for your health and your future well-being. That's the sensible thing to do. If he wants you to stay heavier and unhealthier, um, well.... is that really love?
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (29 October 2009):
 My grandpa used to say that "they were called sins of the flesh". There's your answer.
...............................
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (29 October 2009):
There are no universal truths... no guys don't like blonds more than brunetts, or redheads more than blonds... guys like what they like... same with height, weight, nationality... name the trait and there will be men on this plant that LOVE it...
Love is about loving the person, not the body.
...............................
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (29 October 2009):
When he was initially attracted to you, you were at the weight you consider to be ideal. He was interested in you when you weighed 128 pounds... I feel that if you truly love someone, that you're not gonna stop just because that person lost or gained weight.
Furthermore, you have to think of your health. You need to take care of your body through exercise and eating healthy... that's a necessity if you want to stay healthy!!
If you want to lose weight, you have to be consisten and committed.
...............................
A
female
reader, SugarBear +, writes (29 October 2009):
 If you feel you are too fat then lose the weight. If he loves you he will love your body anyway. He wont lose interest.. Misery loves Company so if he thinks he is fat he may want you to be too. He may not want other men to look at you, and they wont if your overweight/fat. So he thinks you wont leave him if you think you are heavy.
. Its actually a control thing which is not good. He should support you and if hes trying to give you food thats not support. He may like your body but it sounds like he is trying to manipulate you. Now you have been together a long time and want to defend him right away but you asked for advice so take it into consideration... And tell him not to give you any more fatty food or tempt you. If he tells you to stop working out or something then hes insecure that you would leave him to find someone better looking and fit.. The older you get the harder it is to lose weight... Start going for walks together, bike,tennis, swim find hobbies that make you fit.. Sounds like he just wants you fat with him to make himself feel better.. Because you know at work,school,tv grocery store etc, hes looking at the thin girls and thinking they are hot. So lose the weight asap for your own health.
...............................
|
