A
female
age
30-35,
*evonique
writes:Is it true that if u can't love yourself then you cant love someone else? i thought i disagreed but now i cant get it out of my head. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 If you cannot bring yourself to love your own self, how can you have the capacity to love others.
Loving your own self for who you are and what you are brings confidence and increased your self esteem.
If you don't know who you are, how can you love another?
You not only have to learn how to love yourself but you have to forgive your own short comings.
If you are harsh and judgmental on your self, you will never be happy and contented.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): I was talking with a friend about how this Christmas people were singing "the night of PEACE" while on TV we witnessed the night of bullets. Many movies dedicated to violence and wrongdoings. In a film, a girl accepted a date without a doubt in a very unsafe place. She surrendered to the invitation to a place where "she'd feel like a queen" and without evaluating the risks, she approved to go. WHY? People that don't love themselves are UNSURE and unappreciative of themselves. This makes them vulnerable to speculators. They can be prepositioned by a stranger at the party and would feel fortunate - they need to be complimented, do not respect their choices so their partners/potential dates will win all the concessions they've asked for. That will inevitably lead to collapse. Why? They tend to speak or behave negatively about themselves and to live unhealthy lifestyles, ignoring dangers, tending to feel "unworthy" they also generally dislike or hate themselves, so their partner becomes TIRED of constantly REASSURING them until the relationships hardly CAN last. A relationship is not meant to be a periodic boost of ego, but an inspiration and a celebration of "togetherness." As exemplified on this site, such problems can stem from having been abused, bullied and teased , so they often instead of attending their wounds and being compassionate of themselves, they can choose to be isolated or engage in superficial, sexual relations, in which they seek to be praised... even temporarily. Afterwards they tend to victimise themselves even when it's not the case. Profiteers can speculate their insecurities and need of attention. These persons also can confuse the love for a partner with the need to be offered respect and the protection they are unable for the time being to provide themselves. Thus indeed, not loving yourself it is hard to love others when the instinct of self-preservation is in lethargical sleep and you are fearful of your choices and manifestations, when you calculate what to do so OTHERS can like you MORE so that can be reflected back into your self-esteem. This is way I always recommend meditation to SEE your good points and learn to be grateful for them and tranform these abilities into performance, always taking yourself as a reference point to see how you have evolved and how you will in manage further. Therefore, I can only suggest, if you are one of the persons that don't seem to like themselves, remind yourself of your successes, however small and unsignificant, excuse your failures and think they made you stronger, whereas if you know somebody with this profile, invite them out for a soda, approach them in conversations and emphasize their qualities, let them see they are worthy to know your concerns (don't exaggerate until you can know them better) and ask their opinions. What encourages an insecure person is to be asked for an opinion and be held in vicinity. They are in the end sensitive people, too vulnerable to external factors and who became accustomed to their situation. Most of them deserve a better living. Only sometimes it's hard to accept it. The idea of betterness. As they are used to bitterness. But we can and should help them and help each other.
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A
female
reader, red1982  +, writes (27 December 2007):
I thought it was that if you can't love yourself then no-one else can love you. But either way it's true that if you don't love yourself then you don't get treated the way you should by anyone. You have to have self respect in order to be treated with respect by someone else, be that boyfriends, friends or anyone. I think it's more that if you don't love yourself then you see no reason why anyone else should care about you and allow yourself to be treated as a lower person because you believe yourself that others are better then you. Everyone is a beautiful person in their own right and should be happy to be who they are. If you are having problems with loving yourself then you can talk to your Dr or perhaps school about counselling as it usually signifies a more deep rooted problem that a therapist could help you deal with. I hope that helps.Take care of yourselfxx
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (27 December 2007):
 I fully agree with that saying. Like you, i never really got it before but since my last relationship i get it and it makes sense to me. if you dont love yourself/like yourself/think you have any attractive, lovable qualities you wont be able to make a relationship work because you wont believe that anyone else could love you either.
so you'll be paranoid, insecure, jealous, you'll wonder if he's cheating because you dont think he would just want you and only you, it causes all kinds of problems.
but if you really get to know yourself and really love yourself then you will be a lot happier first off and your relationsip will be A LOT healthier.
brooke
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Hi Love,
What is ment by this is if you have problems liking or loving yourself as the person you are, Then how can you like or love another as we all have some sort of issue down the line and if you see that in another person you may not understand it. To love yourself no matter what helps you to understand and care for others no matter what as we are all human and we all make mistakes. Loving yourself just the way you are is important to help you in life and as life can throw anything our way sometimes it can get you down so always love you and have faith in you and you will always be strong I hope this helps hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Course not! I think, people with low self-esteem/confidence (such as your self) you need to let having a partner grow on you - and once you feel secure within that relationship I think you'll find 'loving' your partner a lot easier. I don't personally love my self, I have a lot of things I would change about me - but I've been in a relationship for nearly a year and thoroughly in love!Ryan
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