A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Been in and out of this relationship for 19 years. He was my first love as well as I was his. We have a 17 year old together. 2 years ago he finally proposed and we have been scheduled to be married Feb 2008. I have been there with him through drug addiction(5years clean), cheating(6 years ago), career changes, illigitamite children and now we are both farely grown up, but recently I have discussed with him that I am no longer interested in sex and don't know why...I love him to death and I know he loves me the same. By telling him this I have deeply wounded him and now he no longer wants sex with me and can't decide whether we should be friends, date other people or just move on. Emotionally drained yet with a deep desire to live and be with him and spend the rest of my life with him...I am so confused! Should I fight or give up?
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male
reader, dc.ryan  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 If you truely love him, and he truely loves you - then for what reason you should break up over the decision of not wanting the sexual part of a relationship?
You have to take into consideration the impact it would have both your families and your son/daughter - but you also have to take into consideration people have their sexual demands and you need to look into why you have not been interested in sex.
You should definately fight to keep your relationship alive, and you need to express these feelings to him - don't hide them, as its important to let him know that you still love him as much as you used to and that won't change!
Unfortunately by declining him sex (although it is good you expressed your feelings about it) you probably made him feel very devalued in the relationship, as believe it or not sex is a very crucial part of a mature relationship - its how we express our further deeper feelings for each other in a personal, private way.
You need to continue talking to him, and you personally need to look into why you're no longer interested in sex - perhaps its just a phase? Although he does need to understand your values/opinions - that you don't want sex just now.
It seems a very big shame to let your effort go to waste after such a long relationship where you've fought through many things together as a partners. You *can* make it work again, but you need to spend some time figuring out what has made you so isolated in terms of your sexual activitiy, as its quite a demoralising blow on your future husband.
At no point should you blame your self, we all have feelings - they change all the time, and our demands also change frequently. Work together, and focus on getting your relationship back on track - and look forward to the future of being a married couple.
Ryan
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