A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just turned 18 and my boyfriend is almost 21. We've been dating for almost 2 years. We keep talking about future plans to get married, have kids etc, and I really want to, but is it too soon to be thinking about those kinds of things? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (25 May 2007):
 It is not too early to think about it and plan for it, it is just too early to actually DO it! I completely agree with Dr Pete, he put it all very well. Enjoy your youth, grow,learn, explore the world and yourselves and each other. Both of you will be differant people in a few years. I know this sounds odd, but I think you can agree that you are a differant person than you were at 6 or 12, right? You still have a lot of growing up to do. You also need to get an education and a good job before you have children. Hopefully things will work out for you and in a few years the two of you will be ready both emotionally and finacially to have a family. But dont rush it. Having kids is not something you can take back. Having children is the most wonderful thing that can ever happen to you, but only when you are really ready for it. Good luck!
~dee
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): i would wait n see...im 20yrs old and in the last two years i have changed my beliefs and thoughts on things and explored new things. Also i have met a lot of new people and had a lot of fun. I felt if i had children, etc i may have not been able to grow as i have. Its good your in a committed relationship and are thinking about the future...but for now you are still young....have some fun and explore life a little more!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): I dont think your too young, my mom was married when she was 19, had 5 kids and her and my dad just celebrated their 30th anniversary. Every one is different and when the time is right for you to get married and have children it will happen.
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A
female
reader, Cole9292 +, writes (25 May 2007):
Only you can decide when you are ready to get married. Personally I think you are too young, and keep in mind, no matter how mature you feel now that you are 18, you will change a lot in the next decade. In your early 20s you will find out who you really are, and who you are now might not be the person you are when you are 25. When you are 25 you might be perfectly happy being married with kids, or you might secretly wish you had waited.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): This is just my personal opinion, but I think it is way too early. Whilst getting married, and having children brings with it a lot of great things, it is also far from being a life of plain sailing and happiness as you grow old together and retire with a loving family around you.
In reality, it is a lot of hard work, it is full of difficult times and there is no certainty in what will happen with you and your boyfriend as you will inevitably change your characters over the coming decade, what you want now is certainly not what you will want in five years time.
When I look back at my life to where I was at your age, I can only imagine how much of my teens and 20's that I would have had to give up to support a family and a wife. I would never trade places for the fun and enjoyment I've been able to have in those times. For some of the time, I've been in a committed relationship, for others, I've been single. But it's all been fantastic and only now in my late 20's I can really properly say I am ready, both emotionally and financially to commit to marriage and a family.
By all means you can think about a future with your boyfriend and enjoy your time with him, but my advice would be to not discount any other options that life will offer you over the coming years as once you are married and have children you have pretty certainly set your life on one path and there would be no going back.
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