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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I was okay for two weeks when busy traveling for work, but home now and thinking about this man I was seeing for the past four years. It was a difficult relationship and never really knew where I stood with him. If I was being real, I would also say I couldn't really trust him. He lied too easily. Told him two weeks ago that I didn't want to spend any more energy on this relationship. There was no further discussion. It is the right decision for me, I know that. But since I have been back home, I have been thinking about him and getting angry/ upset. I don't want to get back together so I don't understand why I am feeling this way.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sadly, this is par for the course when ending a long-term relationship. And I promise you, it WILL get better -- it just takes time.
Love is a drug and while you may know the relationship wasn't going anywhere, there are lots of reasons why you stuck it out for 4 years. Sure you had some troubling times, but my guess is that you had a lot of good times. You were also comfortable in the given circumstances.
With any change, there is going to be positives and negatives that come out of it. You are missing the companionship and camaraderie you once shared.
To keep the faith -- so to speak -- you need to remember why you ended things: your relationship wasn't progressing. If you had continued in your relationship you would've likely been in the same boat a year from now, and even 5 years from now. Clearly that isn't what you wanted.
The key point to remember here is to identify what you want out of life and a relationship and actively seek out solutions. While I wouldn't call your recent relationship a waste -- it certainly taught you what YOU want, it was a detour. Take that knowledge and wisdom and do what you can to fulfill whatever you are seeking.
You may also find it useful to talk to a therapist. Sometimes having someone to sort your emotions and thoughts out can help. You may be falling into negative thought patterns that are holding you back. Even a few sessions can make a huge difference.
Things will get better -- just be patient and be good to yourself.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 June 2016):
 You have started to process your feelings, the anger is two-fold (I bet) both at yourself and him. And then of course the fact that you were right, he didn't really give a darn because he didn't want to discuss it further.
It's all part of the process. Just don't let the anger make you bitter, and don't let it linger.
YOU did the right thing and you are NOW free to look back, take any lessons from this and then move on. He wasn't a good fit, it happens.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG  +, writes (27 June 2016):
 Well I would say that he obviously hurt your feelings. That is why your angry and upset. You obviously invested alot of emotion and time and effort into this relationship and it has all proved to be for nought ultimately. Your response is totally understandable and natural. Especially as all this has probably left you feeling emoitonally drained and vulnerable as well.
Give yourself time but you need to let go of these feelings gradually because they will hold you back and keep you in limbo and kind of in the relationship, emotionally speaking if not literally physically. The way you do this is talk to someone, a friend maybe, go through the relationship, open up about your emotions, and in doing so learn to let go of them. Good luck. :)
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