A
female
age
36-40,
*weety in california
writes:ok i am 21 yrs old i know this sounds dumb, i am afriad to tell my boyfriend i love him. if i love him i should just tell him, but i am really scared. i am already crying. it was four months ago that he held my hand for the first time, and i guess thats when i think our relationship started, we had sex a week later, which i know is kinda fast. we had an instant click, and immediate bond. we live in different states, so i haven't seen him since we started our relationship, and i am scared that this is too fast or he will think i am dumb for falling in love with him from so far away, or that i am trying to trap him, or put pressure on him. or something bad. i am worried that if i tell him before hes ready then i might destroy our potential, but if i wait too long maybe he will start to think of us as platonic.but all i really want to do is tell him i love him, and hope against hope that he loves me back.he has said he likes me, called me his girlfriend, talked about our connection, and told me he was worried that when he called he thought that i thought he was calling to break up with me, and he never wanted me to think that, plus we have a lot of sexual chemistry.but still there are a lot of complicating factors, like he is about 16 yr older than me, he has a job where he is gone a lot, and we live apart now but i would relocate. and i want to marry him, i am sure of it, he is the one, they say you just know and i just know. i was meant for him and he was meant for me. but still... so going back to what i said before i don't know it if is too early, or wrong to tell a guy at all, should i just let him say it? what if he is waiting fo rme to say it?i will say this, i have been in love before my past boyfriends, i have been preposed to twice and said no even though i loved the guys because i knew we weren't compatiable long term with future goals. also i made a promise to myself never to say i love you first because it would make me too vunerable, but for the first time in my life i actually want to say it instead of protecting myself.what should i do!?!?!?
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female
reader, Seeker +, writes (12 October 2008):
My bf and I knew after three weeks. if you feel it, say it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): I have been in your situation. Yes, you do make yourself vulnerable by telling him the truth. It is possible he might not feel the same way or feel instantly pressured or uncomfortable about the relationship. I think part of what you are feeling is lust. You remember the strong sexual chemistry you both felt when you were together and you keep reliving it in your mind over and over because there is nothing yet to replace it with. Just the occasional phone call or email, right?Personally, I think "I love you" should wait until you are face to face, not over the phone for the first time. Wait to see how things play out. If he is really interested in being with you, he should be scrambling to make time to see you. He should be reorganizing his life a little at least if he wishes to make you part of it, right? My experience was similar. He was an older guy and lived far away. Our sexual chemistry was intense when we first met. Everyone else present at our meeting described it as a thunderbolt. I had never felt for other men the way I did and still do for him. We parted and promised to keep in touch. I heard from him frequently and we made plans to see one another but it never planned out. Our communication eventually become less and less. You should do what you feel it right. But if you do say "I love you", you are saying that I want to be with only you, I want to commit myself to you and he hasn't given you any sort of security about your relationship other than saying he likes you a lot. Be careful and proceed with a little caution.
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A
female
reader, penguin64  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 just say it! if you feel this strongly then its more than likely that he feels the same way. i said i love you to my ex after a week! its was scary but i just blurted it out but thankfully he said it back. it was that good that we even got engaged. obv not together nemore but that was due to complications lol. just go for it.
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